Kringle
Residence
North
Pole
Dear
Santa,
As
I look back on things, I realized that you've been pretty darned good to me
over the years. You brought me that electric guitar I wanted when I was 9, the
telescope I begged for when I was 10, the Daisy Pump-Action B-B gun with scope
I craved when I was 11, etc., etc., etc.
As
I grew older, your presents became more sophisticated. Stereos, vacations,
computers, cellphones, fine Irish whiskey. I've just been overwhelmed by your
generosity and thoughtfulness. I can't imagine what I've done to deserve your
grand beneficence throughout these many years, but, trust me on this one, I've
appreciated every gift you've bestowed upon me.
In
fact, Santa, you've been so overwhelmingly kind that I'd like to suggest that
you turn your attention to others this year and shower them with presents
instead. I've taken the liberty of compiling a list.
*
Governor Rod Blagojevich - Please give this man the realization that he doesn't
always have to be running for reelection. The root of the word
"governor" is, after all, "govern," and Gov. Blagojevich
does precious little of that, preferring to propose big programs that get him
on the front page of newspapers, but with no money attached to actually achieve
his claimed goals.
I
know this may be a little too selfish, but if you could also make sure that
Blagojevich is reelected again and again and again I would be forever in your
debt. Rod has been excellent for the news business, what with all those shady
pals of his who have run afoul of the law. I can't imagine life without him.
*
US Senator Barack Obama - What do you get for the man who has everything? He's
already got boatloads of charisma, charm and intelligence. Millions of people
are clamoring for him to run for president. His book is on the New York Times
Best Seller List. Hillary Clinton is shaking in her boots.
I've
thought long and hard about this one and I've come up with a suggestion. How
about making sure Barack doesn't forget Illinois while he's toying with this
presidential thing? We're supposed to have two US Senators, but if he starts
jaunting around the country he might forget to make time for the very people
who elevated him to his newfound place of prominence.
Also,
could you deliver a big lump of coal to all the goofy pundits who claim that
his middle name "Hussein" and his late father's Islamic religion
(that he flatly rejected long ago) are somehow all-important
"issues"? Thanks. That would be nice.
*
Judy Baar Topinka - I see you already got her a job with sweet benefits since
she lost the governor's race to Rod Blagojevich, so I think your work is done.
*
Comptroller Dan Hynes - Could you find a way in your heart to see that he gets
another chance at higher office? He's been stuck as state comptroller since
1998. That's supposed to be a springboard office, not a permanent job. He's a
good guy and I kinda feel sorry for him ever since he was run over by the
Barack Obama freight train in the US Senate primary two years ago.
*
Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley - I'd consider it a major personal favor if you
could somehow make Daley's reelection race a whole lot tougher than it looks to
be right now. We don't have contribution limits in Illinois, so maybe you could
drop off a pile of checks for Dorothy Brown or Doc Walls. I think it would be
good for Daley to finally have a real run for his money. The arrogance of power
is never a good thing.
*
House Speaker Michael Madigan and Senate President Emil Jones - These two
powerful Democrats have been fighting for years. Keep up the good work, Santa.
If they ever made peace, my political newsletter would lose half of its
subscribers.
*
Senate Republican Leader Frank Watson - As you well know, Frank is stuck on the
wrong end of Emil Jones' newly won veto-proof majority. Please strengthen his
sense of humor. He's gonna need it to get through the next two years.
If
you can't do any of this, I guess you could just deliver me a big screen TV.
Digital, of course. I'd prefer LCD, but plasma would be cool, too. Thanks for
your consideration, buddy.
-30-
Rich
Miller also publishes Capitol Fax, a daily political newsletter, and
thecapitolfaxblog.com