Old age

Old age is when:

--it's hard to get out of bed in the morning without groaning.

--most of your parts ache and those which don't don't work.

--you have an ailment for every letter in the alphabet except X.

--you spend more on medicine than beer.

--your dental work is worth more than your car.

--you try to remember what fun sex used to be.

--you have a grandchild explain to you how to find something on the internet.

--you have better conversations with yourself than with other people.

--you wonder what happened to all the good dance music.

--you wonder what happened to dancing.

--you wonder which joint will give out next.

--you wonder why Dick Clark doesn't age like the rest of us.

--you wince at words on television which once only appeared on restroom walls.

--you try to remember which dime store was where on Main Street.

--you remember when Galesburg had a downtown.

--you finally throw out your bell-bottom polyester slacks.

--you look for sports news in the Sports Illustrated swim suit edition.

--hair grows great in your nose and ears but not on top of your head.

--you have to look in your wallet for your home telephone number.

--you realize halfway to church that your socks don't match.

--you hesitate in the Lord's Prayer to remember if you're a debtor or trespasser.

--ruminating on your sins takes less than five minutes.

--you remember high school better thanlast week.

--you give up on CNN Headline News because you can't listen and read all the garbage on the screen at the same time.

--you can't remember who Alben Barkley was.

--you try to dim your car headlights with your left foot.

--poodles at the Westminster Dog Show have better haircuts than you do.--

your clothes hang better on a chair than they do on you.

--you need a magnifying glass to read a street map.

--the first thing you check in the newspaper is the obituaries.

--you realize Marilyn Monroe has been dead for 40 years and would be 76 if she wasn't!

--you don't recognize anyone at your high school reunion and can't read the writing on their name tags.--

you think Thomas Dewey fought at Manila Bay.--

a high school girl opens the door for you.--

prunes for breakfast seems a very sensible idea.

Uploaded to The Zephyr website March 6, 2002

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