The Flub-A-Dub Award

August 2001

The Flub-a-Dub Award seems to be gaining more and more momentum and prestige. What a month we had in July. I gave the award to Rush Limbaugh and the local radio station for broadcasting his nonsense. We got a nationwide response. Out of the 55 people who listen to him, 50 of them e-mailed me to explain, in rather simple language, that I must be related to a donkey and just about as smart. Even the manager of WGIL e-mailed to thank me for increasing his listenership. The Limbaugh show went up from 10 to 11. It definitely didn't seem like that big of a deal, but I appreciated the credit.

As I sit back and weed through the nominations at the end of each month, the stack gets higher and higher. People are sending me nominations from around the country. A recent e-mail from California suggested the Flub for August go to the guy who reached into a car during a bout of road-rage, grabbed a lap dog off the lap of a female driver, and threw it into oncoming traffic. While I'm not a great lover of lap dogs (I like to get my monies worth), that was a little much. The judge obviously was a lover of lap dogs, or the lady. He gave the guy three years. This guy may end up learning more about dogs than he cares to, particularly how they procreate. He Flubbed big time.

Another Flub follower asked me to take note of the U.S. House debating campaign finance reform. The message suggested I would find the discussion very entertaining. After spending some time evaluating what was going on, I concluded I was having a nightmare. What a bunch of numb skulls. The Republican leadership didn't want anything to do with the whole idea, which would amount to a half-hearted attempt to end the graft and corruption infesting the government. So they attached 14 amendments to the bill, one of which was a secret. Now let's see who'll vote for this bill? And we pay these guys for such goofiness. The whole thing was a little odd. And quite Flubbish.

Speaking of Flubs. The Illinois Legislature gave non-profit agencies dealing with the developmentally disabled, mentally ill, and substance abusers a .five percent cost of living increase for the fiscal year. I would have the whole lot arrested, but luckily for them I'm not in charge, yet. It once again demonstrates the pathetic state of affairs Illinois government has come to be known for. They give pet projects to one another and spend money like whores spreading the clap, but can't seem to find any money for helping out agencies that deal with individuals having difficulties with life. I don't intend for my tax money to make some rich businessman richer, or for politicians to line their own or their relatives' pockets with my money. It is time such nonsense comes to an end. It is time we demand that these Flubbers do the right thing with our money. After all, we created them. It's up to us to Flub them. Year after year these boobs waste their time and our money. Maybe we should be throwing politicians into oncoming traffic instead of dogs?

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online August 29, 2001

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