LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
The jokeÕs on us.
— Bumper sticker of
the week: A little bit of rich can cover up a whole lot of stupid.
— Quote of the week:
ÒThis is JimmyÕs tree where Jimmy liked to climb
But
Jimmy went to war and something changed his mind.Ó
Willie Nelson, ÒJimmyÕs
RoadÓ
— New Warning Labels for
Alcohol:
¥ Consumption of alcohol
may cause stupidity.
¥ The result of drinking
this product may be pregnancy.
¥ Consuming this product
may make you believe you are Superman. Please, do not leap off a tall building or
pick a fight with someone named Bubba.
¥ Use of this product my
cause a minor to act like they are an adult.
¥ Consumption of this
product may make you believe four inches is actually ten.
¥ Excessive use of alcohol
may make you pee your pants.
¥ Before drinking,
remember, the life you destroy by excessive use may not be just your own.
— I recently read
that daughters who are close to their mothers are more likely to delay having
sex than those who arenÕt. I hope they didnÕt waste a lot of money on this
study. Obviously, listening to their mothers bellyache about having to have sex
with their father is eventually going to wear off on them.
— Cheap advice:
¥ Never say anything you
mean. YouÕll only live to regret it.
¥ The single most important
thing in marriages that last is not love, but a strong need to
always be wrong.
¥ Insanity is nothing more
than a minority view of reality.
¥ Fear cripples many a
healthy person. Remember this wise old saying: The only thing we have
to fear is — the guy
hiding behind the couch.
¥ Talking is way overrated.
Try listening.
¥ There is a mental health
diagnosis for every human problem. This in itself is insane.
¥ There is a medication for
every human dilemma. This is what is commonly referred to as the profit motive.
¥ Never take advice from a
counselor whose life is more screwed up than your own.
— Suicidal Economy:
Enterprise Zones and TIF Districts continue to drag us down. Over the last 14
years, I have looked for evidence to suggest that TIF Districts and Enterprise
Zones help a communityÕs overall economic status, but I have failed to find
any. At best, a couple of studies suggested the end result is about neutral.
Most indicate that the taxing bodies are actually hurt by this pro-business
scheme. Particularly school districts. With less money going to the taxing
bodies, the cycle of decline continues, spiraling the community into a
dysfunctional state that few can work their way out of. This cycle has
prevailed in Galesburg over the last 30 years. None of our leaders have stepped
forward with any creative solutions, short of more of the same. The
continuation of the fantasy that Enterprise Zones and TIF Districts will help
us recover economically is a Chamber of Commerce delusion.
— Pat Robertson is
back talking to God. Most people that claim God talks to them end up in a
mental ward somewhere. He ends up being a spokesman for right-wing Republicans.
Go figure.
— Every politician in
Springfield should be sent packing for their recent shenanigans concerning the
utility companiesÕ wanting to up our electrical rates by 25 percent. The House voted to freeze
the rates, knowing full well the Senate was not going to take any further
action. They think they did us a favor by having the utility companies spread
the increase over 3 years. The whole thing is a joke. Only more of the same:
TheyÕre taking care of their campaign contributors. They not only failed to
protect us from excessive rates, but they made us out to be fools in the
process. We need to teach them a long overdue lesson. A Springfield enema is in
order. LetÕs call it ÒThe Great Cleansing.Ó