LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

 

The joke’s on us.

 

— Bumper sticker of the week: A little bit of rich can cover up a whole lot of stupid.

— Quote of the week: “This is Jimmy’s tree where Jimmy liked to climb

                                             But Jimmy went to war and something changed his mind.”

Willie Nelson, “Jimmy’s Road”

New Warning Labels for Alcohol:

• Consumption of alcohol may cause stupidity.

• The result of drinking this product may be pregnancy.

• Consuming this product may make you believe you are Superman. Please, do not leap off a tall building or pick a fight with someone named Bubba.

• Use of this product my cause a minor to act like they are an adult.

• Consumption of this product may make you believe four inches is actually ten.

• Excessive use of alcohol may make you pee your pants.

• Before drinking, remember, the life you destroy by excessive use may not be just your own.

— I recently read that daughters who are close to their mothers are more likely to delay having sex than those who aren’t. I hope they didn’t waste a lot of money on this study. Obviously, listening to their mothers bellyache about having to have sex with their father is eventually going to wear off on them.

— Cheap advice:

• Never say anything you mean. You’ll only live to regret it.

• The single most important thing in marriages that last is not love, but a strong need to

always be wrong.

• Insanity is nothing more than a minority view of reality.

• Fear cripples many a healthy person. Remember this wise old saying: The only thing we have

to fear is — the guy hiding behind the couch.

• Talking is way overrated. Try listening.

• There is a mental health diagnosis for every human problem. This in itself is insane.

• There is a medication for every human dilemma. This is what is commonly referred to as the profit motive.

• Never take advice from a counselor whose life is more screwed up than your own.

— Suicidal Economy: Enterprise Zones and TIF Districts continue to drag us down. Over the last 14 years, I have looked for evidence to suggest that TIF Districts and Enterprise Zones help a community’s overall economic status, but I have failed to find any. At best, a couple of studies suggested the end result is about neutral. Most indicate that the taxing bodies are actually hurt by this pro-business scheme. Particularly school districts. With less money going to the taxing bodies, the cycle of decline continues, spiraling the community into a dysfunctional state that few can work their way out of. This cycle has prevailed in Galesburg over the last 30 years. None of our leaders have stepped forward with any creative solutions, short of more of the same. The continuation of the fantasy that Enterprise Zones and TIF Districts will help us recover economically is a Chamber of Commerce delusion.

— Pat Robertson is back talking to God. Most people that claim God talks to them end up in a mental ward somewhere. He ends up being a spokesman for right-wing Republicans. Go figure.

— Every politician in Springfield should be sent packing for their recent shenanigans concerning the utility companies’ wanting to up our electrical rates by 25 percent. The House voted to freeze the rates, knowing full well the Senate was not going to take any further action. They think they did us a favor by having the utility companies spread the increase over 3 years. The whole thing is a joke. Only more of the same: They’re taking care of their campaign contributors. They not only failed to protect us from excessive rates, but they made us out to be fools in the process. We need to teach them a long overdue lesson. A Springfield enema is in order. Let’s call it “The Great Cleansing.”