Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Any Christian should be against the death penalty. Look what happened to Christ.

­­ Quote of the week: ''Whether the vibrant new religious diversity that is now part and parcel of the United States will, in the years ahead, bring us together or tear us apart depends greatly on whether we are able to imagine our national community anew. The ongoing argument over who ''we'' are -- as religious people, as a nation, and as a global community -- is one in which all of us, ready or not, will participate.''

--A New Religious America, Diana Eck

­­ ABC, CBS, NBC are all owned by huge conglomerates who are beholden to ratings, profit margins, and aren't about to ruffle the feathers of their advertisers. The news is sifted and funneled and any remnants of ''truth'' drained out of almost any subject to make sure no company of any financial stature is criticized or otherwise questioned concerning their motives or ways of doing business. It's Disney, General Electric, AOL Time-Warner, and Rupert Murdock calling the shots. The news no longer informs or investigates, it invests. Invests in persuading you that all is well, when in fact it ain't.

­­ W. George chokes on a pretzel. I would hate to lose a president over a pretzel. Seeing it's a time of war, I would think he should be given the Purple Pretzel Award. Sitting on a couch in the White House, eating pretzels and watching football is just about as close to a battlefield as I imagine he'll ever get.

­­ Where is Vice-President Cheney?

-- He could be in Enron's closet.--

I heard the other day he ran off with Monica Lewinski. I don't buy that.--

It could be he went in for an oil change. I hear oil runs through his veins.--

W. may have had him sent to the dungeon. After all, many people think Cheney was actually in charge. I never thought that, I just wished it.--

I'm not so sure Cheney didn't die, what with dropping oil prices and all. And his favorite company took a dive, which I'm betting he knew an awful lot about.--

I hope he's OK. I kind of like the guy. Of course, I also kind of liked Hubert Humphrey.

­­ The fastest growing religious group in America -- Muslims. Don't you just love it.

­­ The film, ''A Beautiful Mind'' is a compelling drama about John Forbes Nash, Jr., a math genius with schizophrenia, one of the most devastating and misunderstood mental illnesses in this country. Some mental health professionals have taken issue with the movie, primarily because Nash seemingly manages to get better without medications. Such ideas are nightmares to pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrists, who rely almost elusively on powerful psychotropic medicines to deal with this complex disease.

­­ How to die with dignity:

1. Don't let a doctor anywhere near you.

2. Don't whine. Dying happens. And you probably deserve it.

3. Make sure all your business is in order. You don't want the family fighting over your stuff before you take your last breath, do you?

4. Don't let any lawyers in to visit you, at least not when you're about to die. God would surely not think much of that.

5. Stipulate in your will that your final medical bills not be paid. It's always good to get the last laugh, even though it may be posthumorous.

6. Right when you are ready to take your last breath, yell out ''Forgive me.'' That will keep them thinking.

7. Just about the time I'm ready to go, I'm going to request a sponge bath. My luck there'll be a male nurse on duty.

8. I hear the moment you die you poop your britches. Somehow, that's probably a good summation of the whole thing.

­­ The wacky world of Washington: It pays to give. General Electric invested $2 million in Bush and other congressional candidates the last election and is being handed back $670 million in ''economic stimulus'' money. The White House says this is job creation money, although there are no job creation requirements. Ford invested about $1 million in the election and gets back $1 billion. Now Ford is laying off 35,000 workers. Don't you just love it when a plan comes together.

­­ I get a kick out of people who, when reflecting over their lives, say they wouldn't do a thing differently. I figure they're either damn fools, lying fools or jackasses.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online January 22, 2002

Back to The Zephyr