Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Legalizing concealed weapons would be just fine if stupidity was outlawed.

­­ Quotes of the week: ''What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch.'' W.C. Fields

''I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy.'' Tom Waits

''Without question the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.'' --Dave Barry

­­ Who knows when a kid is a kid or an adult? You can drive at 16, join the military at 18, vote at 18, drink at 21, or be considered an adult at the age of 14 by the legal system for committing a crime. If you can be put to death for a crime you committed at age 14, you should also be able to drink, drive, and vote these idiots out of office.

­­ I'm starting a new group, Democrats in Denial, for those who:--

don't believe W. George actually won the election.--

think George is dumber than a pet rock.--

think his B.A.L. (brain activity level) is 0.0.--

believe Katherine Harris is actually George's Siamese twin, reportedly joined at birth at the funny bone.--

would actually want Al Gore to be President.

­­ What do you call the U.S. Supreme Court Justices when they are behind closed doors? The Republican National Convention.

­­ That's my President:--

''One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.''--

''Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dreams.''--

''Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and you don't do it, that's trustworthiness.''--

''Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?''--

''I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle this job is underestimating.''

­­ Thoughts from the naked dancing llama:--

It is better to dance naked in the snow than to stand around and freeze your bippy.--

Living is much more difficult than dying, but a lot easier than snowboarding.--

One true love is all a life ever needs, or at least that's what she said.--

We all owe God a death, just try not to make any advance payments.--

I've recently had some excitingly wicked thoughts. Is it hot in here or what?--

In the middle of a snowstorm, time stands frozen. So does the naked dancing llama.

­­ Creationism in action is watching Bush's cabinet take shape.

­­ Well, now that W. George wants to give tax money to churches to do the government's work, I'm going to start using my real name, Rev. Weik. I have some fantastic ideas how my tax exempt church can spend your tax dollars for helping all you poor taxpayers out there. My first suggestion will be that we all move to a warmer climate. A place where all you ladies can wear shorts on Sunday morning. I can see us now, sitting there dipping on a communion colada. My first official program will be ''Helping you all understand why I need so much pay.''

­­ Listen to Rush Limbaugh? No thanks, my parents weren't related.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online February 6, 2001

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