The State of the Union


Bumper sticker of the week: Stop repeat offenders, don’t re-elect them.

– Quote of the week: "When will I learn? The answers to life’s problems aren’t at the bottom of a bottle. They’re on TV." Homer Simpson

"No problem is so big and complicated that it can’t be run away from." Peanuts

– Judging by my erratic behavior lately, I’d say I’m still having a reaction from the election.

– A few things I’ve learned over the years:

Never bend over in the locker room.

• Don’t spend more money than you have.

• Make sure you have some good friends. Life is not complete without them.

• Keep it simple. Or at least as simple as you can.

• Never ever, under any circumstance, take more than one Viagra at a time.

Galesburg gets superior rating for economic development: I read this article ten times and I’m still laughing. Galesburg is probably doing as bad as any town in Illinois, perhaps the nation. Our unemployment rate has to be at 15%, and we have more abandoned buildings than East St. Louis, and Ameren IP has the nerve to call us superior. (By the way, they recently butchered my tree.) I think they paid for the plaque with my heating bill, which was the highest we’ve had in 25 years. If the situation weren’t so damaging for so many people, we could just laugh it off as the good-old-boys just having themselves some fun. But with the mayor and city administration spouting off how great things are, and handing one another goofy awards for continuing failure, I’m done laughing. Any paper reporting this razzle-dazzle as anything but nonsense is doing this community a grave injustice.

– Still, there are some good things going on, in spite of it all. The work on the Duff Hardware building looks really good. The Hauslein Medical Offices at the corner of Losey and Seminary are a fine addition to that corner. The YMCA is making some improvements. The new theater is great. I even went to a show. The new F&M branch bank at the corner of Fremont and Henderson adds a lot to that corner. People are still moving forward and investing their money, in spite of our situation. I have, and you should, thank anyone who is working to improve the community. Galesburg has a lot of capable individuals. Not all of them are interested in maintaining the status quo, which has clearly not worked out for us.

– Remember, you can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

– Televangelists are the pro-wrestlers of religion.

– Anyone who is 80—90 years old have sure seen a lot of changes. I cannot really imagine how they must feel or how they manage to interpret or deal with all the changes that have taken place. They have my admiration and I stand in awe at their endurance and adaptability.

– More breakfast treats:

Beerios: For you morning drinkers.

• Special AK-47: An NRA favorite.

• Billy Graham Crackers: A prayer in every bite.

• Limbaugh Logs: Guaranteed to take the pain away.

• Lucky Tabs 0’ Acid: Filled with charming hallucinations.

The State of the Union: As much as I can make out of it, the state of the union has deteriorated ever since George W. Bush took office. I don’t see, nor did I hear anything the other night that would lead me to believe otherwise.