LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Sidewalks and chuck-holes

– Bumper sticker of the week: Guess what? Cheney is still a Dick.

– Quotes of the week: "If the human body is obscene, complain to the manufacturer, not to me." Larry Flynt

"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect." Mark Twain

– The theory of declining relevance: Man, did that sidewalk issue get a lot of attention. From the media to the neighborhood, it seemed everyone had an opinion about a sidewalk, or lack thereof. Reminded me of the burning barrel issue. In my 30 years in Galesburg, I've never seen everyone quite so worked up. Which brings me to my point: As a topic gets further and further away from relevance, the more likely it is that the public will get engaged. Or put another way, the further a topic gets away from home, the less likely it will interest us. Chuck-holes in the streets, crows coming back to reclaim the town, or streets that don't get plowed, are all areas of concern for the citizens. We are much less likely to get riled up about the greenhouse effect, fighting two wars at the same time, or attempting to secure reasonable health-care. This is Peever’s Law #368, right behind law # 367: Old men like to talk about sex, and old women like to talk about anything else.

– New economic lingo:

• Bonus: What the taxpayer gives a CEO for being a total failure.

• Broker: What my financial advisor makes me.

• Bull market: I sure am a smart investor.

• Bear market: I sure am a dumb investor.

• Stock market: A place that makes money disappear.

• Institutional investor: A person who is currently locked up in our fastest growing institution – prison.

• Value investing: The art of buying low and selling even lower.

• Market correction: The day after you buy a stock.

• Profit: What was once the sweetest word in the English vocabulary.

• Retirement fund: Sorry.

– Thoughts on randomly chosen nonsense:

• Never play chicken with a train.

• Always understand that you are going to get the short end of any business deal.

• Giving money to the rich with hopes that they will give some to the poor is a bad social policy.

• If you hear someone stating that they know the "truth," ask them what it is. You'll be disappointed.

• If you put a lawyer, a politician, and an ex-con in the same room, how many people do you have?

• If God were real, why would he or she have allowed Bush to be President for two terms?

• They say politics is the second oldest profession. It sure looks a lot like the first.

• In the 60's, we took LSD to make the world look weird. Now that it's weird, we take Prozac to make it look normal.

• Why is my property worth more and more to the tax man, right up to the moment I try to sell it, and than it takes a nose dive?

• Isn't life strange. Right when you think you got the knack of it, you wake up and realize it was all a dream.