LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
Valentine's Day Massacre
– Bumper sticker of
the week: Win the war on terrorism. Don't be afraid.
– Quote of the week:
"I remember sitting parked by the roadside once, terribly depressed and
afraid about my daughter's illness and what was going on in our family, when
out of nowhere a car came along down the highway with a license plate that bore
on it the one word out of all the words in the dictionary that I needed most to
see exactly then. The word was TRUST. What do you call a moment like that?
Something to laugh off as the kind of joke life plays on us every once in a
while? The word of God? .... The owner of the car turned out to be, as I'd
suspected, a trust officer in a bank, and not long ago, having read an account
I wrote of the incident somewhere, he found out where I lived and one afternoon
brought me the license plate itself, which sits propped up on a bookshelf in my
house to this day. It is rusty around the edges and a little battered, and it
is also as holy a relic as I have ever seen." Frederick Buechner
– Valentine's Day:
St. Valentine ministered to prisoners. I'm not sure how cupid and lovers ever
got involved. Probably the floral and card industry. I suppose a couple in love
could loosely have something to do with prisoners. So, Happy Valentine's Day to
all you couples out at Henry Hill.
– One of life's most
difficult lessons: It's hard to get over the feeling that my way, or in your
case, your way, is the only way. Each of our brains harbors the belief that we
know what is best. For everyone. We each know the right way to do whatever. We
tend to believe we know "the way," or "the truth." We fuss
and fight and name-call in a vain attempt to get "our way." We want
"our way" to become the conventional wisdom. When all else fails, we
call other people stupid, or misfits, or lunatics. Getting over this is one of
lifeÕs most difficult challenges. As hard as it is for each of us to believe,
there are many roads leading to the same destination. Some of the roads are
unpaved, and have difficult curves. For that reason, they are not as congested
as the freeways. Leaders, in particular, have a hard time with this notion.
They think they know "the way." Our political and religious leaders
often get mired in this muck. But sooner or later, they get ridiculed and
humiliated for not recognizing and attempting to understand one of life's
hardest lessons: You might think a straight line is the shortest distance to
your point of view, but it is not necessarily the best, or the only.
– Since retired, I'm
thinking of going into business for myself. At least I won't have to fight with
the management. I've been thinking about a restaurant, but there's a lot of
competition. I'd have to come up with something unique, like free food. A
coffee house would be neat, but I seem to be a little late with that one. My
own nightclub. No, I can't stay up past 9. I've seriously been thinking about
buying the old Holiday Inn, or Regency, or whatever it ended up being. It's
probably pretty cheap at this point. I'm thinking strip joint, with rooms for
private entertaining. The city is going to have to help me out a bit. Maybe
they could make it a TIT district.
– Peever laws:
¥ You cannot start a war
for the fun of it.
¥ It doesn't hurt to want,
but you eventually have to pay for it.
¥ If you run out of useful
things to do, you can always become a politician.
¥ Generally speaking, if
you get the most votes, you should win.
¥ The more businessmen that
show up for a meeting, the more likely they're looking for a handout.
¥ The colder it gets, the
higher the price of natural gas. The hotter it gets, the higher the price of
electricity. This is in accordance with a 1952 Republican National Convention
resolution.
¥ Violence is not a good
way to win over people to your way of thinking.
¥ According to the laws of
probability, somewhere in the universe there must be someone dumber than us.
¥ Eventually, it all comes
down to death and dying.
¥ Still, it is far better
to have peeved someone off than to never have peeved at all.