LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

 

Valentine's Day Massacre

 

– Bumper sticker of the week: Win the war on terrorism. Don't be afraid.

– Quote of the week: "I remember sitting parked by the roadside once, terribly depressed and afraid about my daughter's illness and what was going on in our family, when out of nowhere a car came along down the highway with a license plate that bore on it the one word out of all the words in the dictionary that I needed most to see exactly then. The word was TRUST. What do you call a moment like that? Something to laugh off as the kind of joke life plays on us every once in a while? The word of God? .... The owner of the car turned out to be, as I'd suspected, a trust officer in a bank, and not long ago, having read an account I wrote of the incident somewhere, he found out where I lived and one afternoon brought me the license plate itself, which sits propped up on a bookshelf in my house to this day. It is rusty around the edges and a little battered, and it is also as holy a relic as I have ever seen." Frederick Buechner

– Valentine's Day: St. Valentine ministered to prisoners. I'm not sure how cupid and lovers ever got involved. Probably the floral and card industry. I suppose a couple in love could loosely have something to do with prisoners. So, Happy Valentine's Day to all you couples out at Henry Hill.

– One of life's most difficult lessons: It's hard to get over the feeling that my way, or in your case, your way, is the only way. Each of our brains harbors the belief that we know what is best. For everyone. We each know the right way to do whatever. We tend to believe we know "the way," or "the truth." We fuss and fight and name-call in a vain attempt to get "our way." We want "our way" to become the conventional wisdom. When all else fails, we call other people stupid, or misfits, or lunatics. Getting over this is one of life’s most difficult challenges. As hard as it is for each of us to believe, there are many roads leading to the same destination. Some of the roads are unpaved, and have difficult curves. For that reason, they are not as congested as the freeways. Leaders, in particular, have a hard time with this notion. They think they know "the way." Our political and religious leaders often get mired in this muck. But sooner or later, they get ridiculed and humiliated for not recognizing and attempting to understand one of life's hardest lessons: You might think a straight line is the shortest distance to your point of view, but it is not necessarily the best, or the only.

– Since retired, I'm thinking of going into business for myself. At least I won't have to fight with the management. I've been thinking about a restaurant, but there's a lot of competition. I'd have to come up with something unique, like free food. A coffee house would be neat, but I seem to be a little late with that one. My own nightclub. No, I can't stay up past 9. I've seriously been thinking about buying the old Holiday Inn, or Regency, or whatever it ended up being. It's probably pretty cheap at this point. I'm thinking strip joint, with rooms for private entertaining. The city is going to have to help me out a bit. Maybe they could make it a TIT district.

– Peever laws:

• You cannot start a war for the fun of it.

• It doesn't hurt to want, but you eventually have to pay for it.

• If you run out of useful things to do, you can always become a politician.

• Generally speaking, if you get the most votes, you should win.

• The more businessmen that show up for a meeting, the more likely they're looking for a handout.

• The colder it gets, the higher the price of natural gas. The hotter it gets, the higher the price of electricity. This is in accordance with a 1952 Republican National Convention resolution.

• Violence is not a good way to win over people to your way of thinking.

• According to the laws of probability, somewhere in the universe there must be someone dumber than us.

• Eventually, it all comes down to death and dying.

• Still, it is far better to have peeved someone off than to never have peeved at all.