­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Join the Army. Travel to exotic, distant lands. Meet exciting, interesting, new people and kill them.

­­ Quote of the week: Grandfather,/ Look at our brokenness./ We know that in all creation/ Only the human family/ Has strayed from the sacred way./ We know that we are the ones/ Who are divided/ And we are the ones/ Who must come back together/ To walk in the sacred way./ Grandfather, sacred one,/ Teach us love, compassion, honor/ That we may heal the earth/ And heal each other. (Ojibway prayer)

­­ Some uses for duct tape:

-- As a contraceptive device.--

Taking off unsightly hair.--

Fly catcher.--

Patch up a bullet hole in your body--

ToiIet paper.--

Tape on your fake leg.--

Stuff your bra (female), or wad up and stick in your crotch (male). Or vice-versa, depending.

­­ Peeverisms:--

Never ask why, unless you can't think of anything else to say.--

Don't ever take a loaded gun for granted. Or the owner.--

If it's over fifty steps, drive there.--

If the sun is out and it's over 45 degrees, tee up.--

Never marry someone you haven't seen naked.--

In the scheme of things, the only thing more important than work is everything.--

Providing service in almost every business now days seems to be an option. The motto appears to be once you sell it, forget it. The consumer's motto needs to become -- once we buy it, we own you.--

The best places to live in the country are many times the most dangerous. Galesburg is relatively safe.--

Some days you're better off staying in bed.

­­ The world according to The Peever:--

No day is complete if you don't peeve off at least five people. I have a feeling this is

going to be a good one.--

Every john should have a Playboy magazine next to it. The interviews are great.--

Every desk should come with a Monica Lewinski.--

If you tell the truth, some damn fool will believe you.--

People are greedy. This also holds true for dogs and cats.--

The older you get, the more likely it is you will eventually come to like prunes. It is also possible you may end up looking like one.--

Democracy does not necessarily equate with anything good.--

Trying to get to Mars is a waste of time and money. We should be more concerned with inner space than outer space.

­­ The seven wonders of the world:

1. You got to wonder when Mark Baker will realize he would have been much further ahead trying to replace Vanna White rather than Lane Evans.

2. I wonder when we will realize that you cannot counter violence with violence, that killing someone to prove to them you should not kill someone is counterproductive and wrong. It is a sorry excuse for justice. You can beat a horse or dog into submission, but it will never quite trust you after that. It has seen and can sense your innermost desires.

3. I wonder why everyone thinks it is alright for every other industrialized country in the world to have universal health care, but not us? Surely you're not all married to doctors?

4. I wonder when the city administration will come to realize that they're not nearly as good as they think they are. As a parliamentarian, might I suggest that early retirement is always in order.

5. You can't help but wonder what's going to happen with this gambling thing. There are millions of people addicted to the dream of becoming instantly rich. They are so into material wealth that they cannot see the richness in their lives as it now exists, although I suppose it could also have something to do with their potty training.

6. You can't help but wonder about all the stories being played out in all the homes, row after row,that you pass by on the street. The triumphs, the sorrows, the hopes, the dreams, the promises, the despair. I wonder about this quite often as I drive up and down the streets trying to figure out how to get them to vote for me.

7. It's a wonder that God, the Great Spirit, has given us so many chances already.

­­ New theme song over at city hall -- Cry me a river.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online February 15, 2000

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