Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: I'm not nearly as think as you confused I am.

­­ Quote of the week: ''I avoid people whenever I can, which is never enough.'' Nasdiji, The ''Blood Runs Like a River Through My Bones.''

­­ Names like The Silverfront, Duffy's, The Corner Connection, The Corral. People sitting around having a cold one and solving the country's problems. It all makes such good sense, unless you happen to be sober. Then it amounts to not much more than a bunch of small talk, friendship bonded together by intoxication, topped off with a huge helping of baloney.

­­ Rather than the federal government sending us back a tax refund, I would suggest using the money for the following:

-- They purchase some decent election equipment for Florida.

-- Give the money to people who need it. The rich are already rich, generally at the expense of the poor. Even up the score.

-- W. George should just give it to his rich oil buddies. They'll get it all before it's over with anyway.

-- Giving us a tax refund helps these hapless bozos believe they are doing something worthwhile and good. Of course, the bozo taxpayers believe the same. It all amounts to the rich getting richer and the poor just plain getting it. It seems you can fool all of the people all of the time.

­­ In terms of promoting and doing economic development, doing nothing always seems to add up to something. Some entrepreneur will see dollar signs wherever people congregate. The capitalist motto is ''there's a sucker born every minute, so why not screw them.'' Galesburg does seem to be the exception. I would put us at about one every 30 seconds. Anyway, if you're doing economic development, why not take credit for everything that happens, even if you had nothing to do with it? I suppose I'm too late for that idea. I continue to believe that in the city of Galesburg, and county of Knox, the exact same things would have happened with or without anyone doing economic development. Any of us could make deals and give these guys something for nothing. The defense of these giveaway programs is that if we don't, the next town will. Frankly, the next town can have them. The neighborhood goes to hell when these freeloaders move in. This is what they call economic development. I call it theft.

­­ Demotivational posters:--

Not all pain is gain.--

Failure: When your best just wasn't good enough.--

For every winner there will be tens of losers. Odds are, you'll be one of them.--

Success -- what everybody else is having.--

Every cloud has a silver lining. Ends up it's pollution.--

I think I can, I think I can. Oh, the hell with it.

­­ The Village Idiot. Every town has one. Maybe two, or three, or more. Galesburg has its share. A lot of times the village drunk gets confused for the village idiot. This is not appropriate. The village idiot does not need booze to be an idiot. It comes naturally for this person. It can be cultivated in some individuals, but this takes work. Some people are very good at playing and assuming this role. And every village needs an idiot. How would anyone considering themselves normal be able to measure said normalcy if it weren't for the village idiot? My newest book is entitled, ''It Takes a Village to Raise a Village Idiot.'' If this happens to offend you because you happen to be the village idiot, I apologize. Rather than pout, put you're idiocy to good use -- run for office.

­­ It's official. I'm a minister in good standing. I'm ready to take a religious handout from the government. Join me in my mission, which is to make life better, particularly for me.

­­ What can you say about a guy who the first time he had sex, he was alone?

­­ Congratulations to the local United Way. I'm impressed. I'm equally unimpressed with the homophobic editorials and letters that appeared. These people follow a funny brand of Christianity that I would just as soon have nothing to do with. Christ chose only men to be his disciples. I'd be careful what I said.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online February 21, 2001

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