Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: The struggle will continue. The human spirit will not submit to oppression.

­­ Quotes of the week: ''The free press? Well, it is most free for those who can own one. You might see the masses in the 'mass media,' but usually they are doing sports, watching sports, doing time, or watching crime.'' Propaganda, Inc., Nancy Snow

''First they ignore you. Then they laugh at you. Then they fight you. Then you win.'' Mahatma Gandhi

­­ We no longer involve ourselves in wars and battles. We involve ourselves in annihilations. We do not want to lose any American lives towards military ends. If we could only extend that moral obligation to the enemy?

­­ Presidential call-to-arms:

Left teleprompter: Why do they hate us?

Middle teleprompter: They hate our free-dumbs.

Right teleprompter: They are evil.

Middle teleprompter: Thank u and good nite. God bless u.

And that was that.

­­ Gated communities:--

White picket fences only, not over 3 feet high. No concertina wire where it can be seen from the street.--

No noise.--

No kids are allowed to play outside.--

No signs in the yard, not even political signs. Anyway, we all know how you're going to vote.--

No foreigners. White is the predominate color.--

Give the concierge a tip every now and then.--

No gardens. Weeds are not allowed.--

No altering your home without permission from ''the committee.''--

Don't feed the birds or squirrels. They cause disease.

­­ The SUV: More a statement of lifestyle than a vehicle that will ever be used for its intended purpose.

­­ Here are some dangerous liberal questions that even I hesitate to ask:--

Would it be as easy to pay for quality health care for every American as it is to spend money to wage war?--

Is it possible for an American to retire in at least reasonable comfort after having been paid minimum wage all his/her life?--

How can anyone who doesn't live in la-la land believe that U.S. corporations are going to protect the environment?--

By indiscriminately killing people, is it possible to save humanity?--

Which came first, George W. Bush or terrorism?--

Is it possible that some of the things we do in the name of capitalism and global imperialism may provoke much of the world into hating us?--

Can we imprison every immigrant and minority in America and still claim to be a democracy?--

If what is currently going on is called fighting for freedom, can someone please explain to me the meaning of tyranny?

­­ Unsophisticated, irrational armies regularly beat sophisticated, rational ones.

­­ I heard someone was fired at the tourism center and the son of the director hired in her place. I'm assuming this is a rumor. I'm sure there's an explanation, and I'd like to hear it.

­­ I hear I have fan clubs in Texas, Wyoming, Idaho, and Utah. I'm quite excited and surprised that I would be so popular in such conservative areas. Still, I'm a little worried about the burning effigy thing. Maybe it's time I eased up a bit on you right-winged morons.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online February 27, 2002

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