­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Beer -- helping ugly people have sex since 1862.

­­ Quote of the week: ''Procreate, fight, and destroy. It was a vicious cycle that they could not break. Now they are gone. It is only I that survive. One single cell. Now I must start again. I must wait for that single magical moment when everything comes together in such a way that I can drive life forward. For the one million and 59th time, I will try again. Hopefully this time they will get it right.'' From Walking With God, Bruce Weik.

­­ Democracy and capitalism in and of themselves hold out no hope for a better tomorrow. Only we do.

­­ I don't like jails. I don't like building them, I don't like seeing them all over the place. While I realize they are necessary, I believe they are way overrated. All of these jails make it easy for us to lock up our deepest fears and most telling failures. Our inability and unwillingness to help others less fortunate than ourselves is a weakness in us, not them. Perhaps it is we who should be locked up. Maybe that would give us time to think about what is really important in life.

­­ I had too much to think last night:

-- I was thinking about Daryl Strawberry and the 96 chances he has been given to stop using drugs. Baseball does itself no favors by continuing to let these guys off the hook. Least of all does it do Daryl Strawberry any good. You have to be held accountable for your behavior, however sorrowful the results might be.

-- I thought about poor old Tonya Harding in the news again. Seems she beat the ever-loving hell out of her boyfriend. She's the toughest figure skater I know of. I kind of admire her over the other whining lot you generally see on TV. Frankly, I doubt that the world much cares what Tonya Harding does in her spare time. Who cares, other than the boyfriend's mother.--

Jennifer Lopez can really get you to thinking. Did you see that dress she wore at the Grammys? You should have heard the female talk show hosts the next day. You'd have thought she arrived at the show buck naked. They were all mortified. Of course, none of them are built like a brick shithouse. Anyway, immediately after the show, on HBO, there was a special about strippers. They showed a whole lot more than belly buttons.--

I heard about the acquittal of the four police officers in New York who gunned down an innocent citizen in front of his home and couldn't help thinking how pathetic the whole thing is.--

I was thinking about George W. Bush claiming to be a compassionate conservative but denying a grandmother in Texas a stay of execution. I suppose saving a life isn't in his definition of being compassionate. It's fairly clear he hasn't got a clue concerning the meaning of the word.

­­ Pornography:


­­ Free advice is generally worth what you pay for it.

­­ No wonder crime is going down. Everyone's in jail.

­­ Never underestimate the power of denial.

­­ On a recent road trip to Alabama, I kept seeing these signs that said ''fine for throwing out trash.'' So I kept tossing out all our junk. I still don't understand why it's so great.

­­ Ten ways to be annoying:

1. Always tell the truth.

2. Claim only you know the truth.

3. Tell everyone you have an explosive personality disorder and that as a hobby you like to collect guns.

4. Keep asking a political candidate to be more specific.

5. If a police officer stops you, ask him if he beats his wife.

6. When your boss is trying to tell you something, just start shaking your head.

7. When you die, insist that they stuff you.

8. Go to church, sit right in the middle, and sing as loud as you can, off key.

9. Don't change your underwear for a month.

10. Never tell the truth.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online February 29, 2000

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