­­ Bumper sticker of the week: The path to prison is paved with crocked lawyers.

­­ Quotes of the week: ''Not I -- not anyone else, can travel that road for you, you must travel it for yourself.'' --Walt Whitman

''The great path has no gates. Thousands of roads enter it. When one passes through this gateless gate he walks freely between heaven and earth.'' --Paul Reps

­­ A historic moment at the Orpheum. Many great old-time acts have graced the stage of this theater. To have The New Three Stooges the other Sunday night was one of those Kodak moments.

Moe, who has attempted to unseat Lane Evans on two previous occasions, won the debate hands down by failing to answer any of the questions. Moe never was very good at thinking on his own. Dr. Larry, now retired, is worried about commies sneaking up behind him and stealing his billfold. Curly, the other doctor, has seen the light, and in so doing, wishes everyone else would. He wants to put prayer in schools, at work, and on every john wall in America. This is quite a group to draw to. This kind of thing is good for the Orpheum and the community. We need a few laughs.

­­ The great debate in Washington, should minimum wage go up to $6.15 over the next two years? Such a deal. Let's figure: Eight hours per day, say 240 working days per year. That adds up to about 1920 hours. Comes to a stunning $11,808 dollars per year. Minus taxes, you're at about $9,000 or so per year. If you're lucky, you maybe have rent and utilities at $300 per month, which comes to $3,600. That leaves $5,400. If you're running an auto, which damn near everyone has to, you're easily out another $3,000. That leaves you $2,400 for the extras, like health care costs or insurance premiums, food, clothing, phone, and pray to God you don't have any kids. Minimum wage is a joke. I'd like to see some of the folks who bitch about it getting too high try to make it on that kind of salary. Most of the people who benefit from minimum wage workers live pretty well. They'd be crying in a half an hour about the terrible injustice.

­­ The farmers are coming out of the woodwork. The warm weather has them stirring. Most have returned from Florida. The other morning driving to Kewanee I almost ran into three farm machines topping out at 15 mph. Still, I suppose it's better than sitting in traffic in the city. Although the results are about the same.

­­ I hear yoga is bad for your Christian health. I always figured getting caught up in that spiritual stuff could harm you. Yoga in a church. Worse by far than yogurt on a stick. Can you imagine? Next these weird left-wing radicals are going to want us God-fearing people to mingle around with the poor or let homosexuals join the church. It's a terrible thing, this thing called diversity. Why does God allow such evilness?

­­ Yet another thing dangerous to your Christian health, at least according to some of the local right-wing Christians, is a labyrinth. As explained by Mircea Eliade, world-renowned scholar on the history of religions: ''A labyrinth is a defense, sometimes a magical defense, built to guard a center, a treasure, a meaning. Entering it can be a rite of initiation. That symbolism is the model of all existence, which passes through many ordeals in order to journey toward its own center, toward itself.'' Dangerous stuff. These folks have walked through many a labyrinth, particularly if they are on the Christian road. I guess they just haven't noticed.

­­ Some -ing's I'd rather be doing:--

Fishing rather than talking.--

Golfing rather than mowing.--

Boating rather than painting.--

Hiking rather than plumbing.--

Canoeing rather than planning.--

Camping rather than fixing.--

Politicking rather than thinking.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online March 21, 2000

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