11th Anniversary Edition


Eleven years of peeves. YouÕd think a person would run out of them eventually. But there are a lot of peeving predicaments out there. If fact, itÕs hard to imagine a peeve-free world. IÕve often said that peeves are the one thing you can count on in life. So thanks for all your help. And thanks to all of you who keep reading these incessant peeves. I hope youÕve had a laugh or two over the years. But more importantly, I hope I have peeved you off somewhere along the line. Remember, sticks and stones may break your bones, but words, oh how theyÕll peeve you.

— Bumper sticker of the week: Who needs brains when you have boobs like these.

— Quote of the week: ÒItÕs hard sometime to sort out whoÕs killing who.Ó Maj. General Rick Lynch, on sectarian violence in Iraq.

— Speaking of anniversaries: My wife and I had our 35th wedding anniversary. Thirty-five years. Who would have ever thunk it? We got through think and thin, for better or worse. WeÕre both stubborn enough to have never called it quits. Pretty much thatÕs what it takes for longevity in marriage. You got to work your way through the rough times. It all pays off. And by the way, thanks to our children for throwing the party. And to everyone who attended. It was one hell of a good time.

— My 58th birthday was on April 4: I want to thank everyone who sent money. So far the worst thing about growing old is remembering when you were young. A lot of older people worry about death. That doesnÕt bother me, maybe because I was almost there once already. I think I share everyoneÕs fear of growing old ungracefully. Drawn out illnesses, nursing homes, AlzheimerÕs, spending all your money on medical bills. Still, thereÕs not much to be done. As much as I can make out of it, thatÕs all a part of life. You either take it or leave it, and trust me, the leaving it is not all its made out to be.

— A fish story: I read a couple of days ago another brilliant idea from one of our Illinois politicians. Mike Jacobs, Senate member from the Quad Cities, proposed feeding Asian carp to Illinois prison inmates. This, he claims, would solve two problems with one easy fish fry. It would get rid of an overabundance of carp, which apparently is a nuisance to someone, and, would be cheap food for the prisoners, seemingly helping the taxpayer. To quote Jacobs: ÒAt the end of the day, I think this is going to be a way for us to turn a really terrible problem into a really positive solution.Ó I personally donÕt have the carp problem real high on my terrible problem list, but who knows. I think Mike needs to spend a whole lot less time thinking, and a whole lot more time wondering how heÕs going to unload 90 TouchPlay machines he bought to place in Iowa establishments, only to see the governor outlaw them. Mike needs a little tutoring in understanding that gambling is a real life terrible problem, not carp.

And justice for all: Antonin Scalia, one of our right-wing Supreme Court justices and member of the now infamous Catholic organization Opus Dei, has made it clear that war combatants have no civil rights. ÒWar is war, and it has never been the case that when you captured a combatant you have to give them a jury trial in your civil courts.Ó Scalia definitely prefers the old days and the old ways. This guy is so far right heÕs on tilt. Unfortunately, the court now has two others just like him. IÕm afraid weÕre in for on hell of a ride, and thereÕs no way to get off this train. So what do you do when madmen make the rules?


Peeves to the left of me,

Peeves to the right.

If you canÕt find a peeve,

YouÕd better check your sight.


So IÕll peeve you in the morning,

And IÕll peeve you at night.

Cause the Peever loves to peeve you,

ItÕs his one sheer delight.