Gee, who would have ever guessed that someone could be so peeved? You have to admit, I’ve handled the fame and fortune fairly well. I am about to break one of my cardinal rules (Peever Law #9), which states that you shouldn’t do anything longer than ten years in a row. But what the heck, the retirement plan is better and the peeving is ripe for the taking. Besides, I know better than to follow my own advice.

So here goes. Year eleven. May your days be filled with happiness and good luck, and hopefully, somewhere along the line, I’ll manage to peeve you.

– Bumper sticker of the week: I hate clowns, especially the elected ones.

– Quote of the week: "A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who never owned a car." Carrie Snow

– A social security card should not be a private portfolio statement. It should be a guarantee to give us some kind of security in our old age, however small or inadequate.

– Pain in the gas: Gasoline prices are up. If it wasn’t the war, or a refinery blowing up, or an oil tanker running aground, or some damn foreign country cheating us, the big boys would run up the price some other way. After all, it’s about summer. They like to maximize their profits at vacation time. Their capitalist folly continues to mislead the public that wants to believe that oil, however scarce or costly, is an unending commodity that will continue to flow, forever. Their lame reasons for a price increase acts to fuel our fears, allowing them to exploit the environment (Arctic Refuge) and invade countries who somehow are unfortunate enough to have our oil underneath their soil. It all becomes very predictable.

– Stripping the government of all its functions except those that reward the rich should have appeared in the Republican platform for Bush’s reelection. Maybe it did. I don’t read right-wing propaganda.

– Ways to tell Galesburg’s future may be in the wrong hands:

– One nation under their religion: You can’t beat the Religious Right for entertainment. Mobilizing houses of worship is their latest folly. They want churches to be able to participate in political campaigns, endorse or oppose candidates, distribute voter guides during church services, but continue to maintain their non-profit, tax-exempt status. It’s called the House’s Worship Free Speech Restoration Act. It’s championed by Tom Delay and Walter Jones, two of the biggest numbskulls in Washington. The Christian Coalition, Focus on the Family, Pat Robertson, Jerry Falwell, all these religious right-wing organizations and individuals like to claim they speak for all of us. We need to be telling them otherwise, in very definitive terms, like, "Shut the hell up and go away."

– Speaking of religion: The Peever has completed his divinity degree. It took me almost an hour on the internet, which I thought was a bit much, considering most Baptist ministers can finish in 15 minutes or less. But it was definitely better than going back to seminary. I have decided to specialize in gay marriages. So call Weik’s Weddings if you prefer to get hitched to the same sex. But please, no cross dressers. My liberalism only goes so far. (Licensed, I think, somewhere in Honduras).

– It’s ironic, maybe more like pathetic, that we are about to go looking for oil under a melting polar ice cap.

– Just thought you ought to know, it was my 57th birthday on April 4. Oh, don’t worry about it, I don’t accept cash from strangers anyway. No, that’s candy. I will take cash.