Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Gee-whiz what a mess we're in.

­­ Quote of the week: ''So far in our war against terrorism, we have killed more of our own soldiers than the enemy has. And we have come face to face with the enemy. And he is we.''--

The Peever. Com. Bruce Weik

­­ Franchise Idea: Records R Us. My new business venture will make sure all your records meet any and every accrediting bodies' stipulations, right down to crossing all the I's and dotting all the T's. All of your records are pre-done. You just give us the standards you need to meet, and we'll give you a chart to match. No muss, no fuss. No more sleepless nights anxiously awaiting their visit. All you need to do is add the signatures, which, under our special total fraud plan, we can provide. Joint Commission, CARF, BARF, Medicare, Medicaid. They don't care if you work your employees understaffed and underpaid. Your patient care may have gone to hell in a handbasket. All they are interested in is seeing a nice, pretty chart. That's where we come in. Records R Us. A peever franchise opportunity.

­­ The destruction of ''evil.'' This is how W. George has defined his Presidency. We are going to wipe out evil, wherever it lurks. At face value, this would have to be one of the stupidest things I've ever heard. But this ''evil'' play is getting him good press. Never let it be said that the American people can't be fooled relatively easily. People seem to like this dumbing-down of our foreign policy. ''Read my lips, there's nowhere to hide.'' These five-ten word sentences are appealing to America's dumb class. The best I can make out of this mumbo-jumbo is: If you're not pro capitalism, and will not allow us to exploit your people and land, you're against us. And, by the way, you're not allowed to have any weapons bigger than ours.

­­ I was listening to General Tommy Franks the other day on Fox. He was being anything but frank about the skirmish in Afghanistan. He's pretty sure we killed a lot of people in Operation Anaconda but he's not quite sure of the number. He is pretty sure a lot of them got away, although he's not sure how many. But he knows we must keep on fighting, although he's not sure for how long. My interpretation: These desert warriors are running us around like a puppy chasing its tail. I don't think they have a clue what they're doing, but I'm pretty sure they're going to keep on doing it.

­­ Israel is out of control. They seem to be following our lead in being determined that they can kill their way to peace. If anyone should know better, you'd think it would be the Jewish people.

­­ Men think women shouldn't have abortions. Women wouldn't need abortions if men could keep it in their pants.

Our leaders think women should not have abortions. These right-winged Christian Crusaders think we should all just not have sex. Easy for them to say.

The Pope doesn't think women should have abortions. He thinks good Catholic women should have lots of kids. Helps the treasury. Of course, he has none.

Even some women believe women should not have abortions. One look at them usually explains why.

None of these brilliant minds have suggested that perhaps the other party in this dancing-dew worm melody needs to be held accountable. Legislation needs to be drawn up that would have a man's penis lopped off if he had a child that he doesn't want to take care of. This could be called the Monica Lewinsky Amendment. Not only would it help the abortion problem, it could keep future Presidents from embarrassing themselves. It might also increase the number of male singers who can sing soprano, and in the long run might in fact help clean up the gene pool. While I realize this suggestion may not go over very big with the male population, remember females, you're in the majority.

­­ Old folks hate today's music: Too loud, too vulgar, too violent, too much sexual content. I suppose I have some good news for those of you who would want to censor it: Don't listen to it; it's not meant for you!

­­ I thought the president was bellyaching about clowning the other day. Ends up he was talking about cloning. Here's a guy who can't afford to get his clowns mixed up with his clones. Otherwise he's going to end up eliminating himself.

­­ I was driving up and down some of the streets the other day and couldn't help noticing how many homes are for sale. For a million bucks I could buy up about a third of the city. The question for all of us becomes, why would I want to do that?

Uploaded to The Zephyr website April 16, 2002

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