Galesburg on the run

-- Bumper sticker of the week: Try to live each day in some kind of reasonable way.--

War has become a racket. Just you wait and see.

-- Refuse to support military solutions to social and political problems.--

Some of Galesburg's more negative positives:

1.You don't really have to keep up with anything new. We prefer the old.

2.Pretty brick streets. I think I'll move my business there.

3.You don't need to worry about learning new names. They seldom change.

4.There are a lot of houses available.

5.Taxes are less than Beverly Hills.

6.The city administration has done a wonderful job holding down the population.

7.Intolerance is the secret to our success.

8.If you can think at all, you look a lot smarter in Galesburg than most places.

9.There are not a lot of young people to bother you, asking questions like ''Who in the hell screwed this up?''

10.I'd move, but where else can you find such beautiful half-trees?--

Fight hunger, not people.--

Our justice system reeks of racism. Anyone, with any level of sanity, could see this.--

Look out Syria, you're about to get amBushed. The whole world is screwed up, except, of course, u.s.--

I'm thinking of putting up a block fence around my property, but I can't decide on the color. I need to get hold of the Head Start board.--

What is Our oil doing under Their sand?--

Whatever Bible Bush and his merry band of oilmen read during their daily White House prayer sessions, I would prefer to have nothing to do with. It seems to be some revised, non-standard version.--

Let's retake America.--

Monica Lewinski has her own TV reality show: Oh brother! Right when you think TV couldn't possibly get any worse. I wonder if she'll get paid near as much for this performance as she did for her last?--

I'm going to dump The Register-Mail. It's part of Galesburg's problem. Besides, my doctor says to take it easy on the baloney.--

Wake me up when it's all over.--

Bush's messianic mission smells of capitalism and stinks like oil.--

If you believe what you've been seeing on TV concerning the war in Iraq, I've got some great property for you.--

The weather is warm, which brings out my charm.--

Right-winged warriors, unite: Your fight is against justice, individual freedom, compassion, equal opportunity, peace, choice, tolerance, religious freedom, democracy, evolution, gun control, the most votes win, separation of church and state, gays, minorities, immigrants, and the evil of all evils, liberals. With your newly appointed president, remember, you have dropped big government from your list of evil, and the deficit is no longer talked about. Wave those flags, and shout out for America, ''Bomb, bomb-a-bomb, bah-bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. Ding-a-dong ding, Bush is King.''

Uploaded to The Zephyr website April 23, 2003

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