LEAVE IT TO PEE VER

Extra! Extra! White House Shake-up!

— Bumper sticker of the week: Intelligent design—Evolution for dummies.

— Quote of the week: “I’m the decider and I decide what’s best.” George W., on keeping Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense.

— White House cleansing: Bush is clearing out a bunch of his old cronies and bringing in some new ones. That should be refreshing.

— Here’s Donnie: Mr. Rumsfeld. Our Sec. of Defense. I bet he knows a lot about war. Here’s a guy who has made his living off the Bushs. Daddy Bush is his good buddy. He was mainly brought on board to make sure Bush Jr. didn’t do anything stupid. It’s pretty obvious that didn’t work.

— Gold headed up: Gold is always a sure bet when you got a moron for President. If I ever get close enough to Bush, or his mother, I’m going to thank them. I’ve made a bundle. It was a sure thing.

— How to let someone know you’re tired of listening to their bull:

• Tell them you’re tired of listening to their bull.

• Go out to a pasture and get a cow, or better yet, bull pattie. The next time someone starts giving you the bull, throw the pattie on their shoes and say, I can sling a little bull of my own.

• You can always give them the bull right back. It never hurts to be confrontational, meeting bull with bull. (See above).

• Some days when the bull is really thick, which it is quite often in my business, I just fall asleep. There’s something sleep inducing about overdosing on so much bull.

• Bull spreaders are kind of comical. Take people like Limbaugh, Bush, Robertson, O’Reilly, Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rove. As long as you understand it’s bull they’re spreading, and not facts, it’s kind of cute.

— The Paper: I like The Paper. It’s kind of like having a blonde-headed, blue-eyed, short-skirted cheerleader. Rah, Rah, Rah. Isn’t the status quo great? They ain’t about to rankle any of their advertisers. Now we got two papers that are firm supporters of the old guard. There is a positive side: it definitely helps The Zephyr circulation.

— Labor laws: You remember, there were once protections against employers who thought they could do anything they wanted. Today the American worker has fewer rights than the Republican Party has liberals. The underlying rascals have been pro-business, anti-union attorneys and Republican legislators. Since most workers are now without representation, meaning no one is there to protect their rights and speak up for them, just about everything imaginable is being done to employees to demoralize them and scare them into submission. People are afraid to utter a word to poor management, for fear of being fired, for absolutely no reason. That’s at-will-employment, a Republican invention. Add to that the loss of your health insurance if you are indeed fired for “insubordination,” or some other trumped up stupidity, and it's "Hello, bread line."

— I wish I were a playwright. Think of the story you could tell about the first six Bush years:

• Act I: How to take office without being elected.

• Act II: Screwing the poor into oblivion, and making the rich filthy rich.

• Act III: Destroying worker rights and making the employer a charter member of the oligarchy.

• Act IV: Starting a war with a lie, all for Daddy.

• Intermission

• Act V: How to take office without being elected.

• Act VI: Stacking the Supreme Court with right-wing, Christian Soldiers.

• Act VII: Destroying the environment in the name of democracy.

• Act VIII: How do I get my brother in office without being elected?

• The End: Everybody in the audience bends over, sticks their head between their legs, and kisses their ass goodbye.