Quote of the week: ''If a person is living out his destiny, he knows everything he needs to know. There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible: the fear of failure.'' The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho.
Spirit of Despair:--
Nothing goes right for me.--
Everyone is against me.--
You cannot trust anyone.--
My life is one disaster after another.--
Woe is me.
Requirements to live in a gated community:--
You got to have money. Lots of money. So much money you don't care if you pay $275,000 for a $150,000 house.--
You have to despise diversity and love sameness.--
It helps to be white.--
You have to be fearful of just about everything.--
It helps if you're a Republican.
We need people to run for the Knox County Board. Some requirements:--
That you live in Knox County.--
That you can count from 25 backwards to 1.--
That you can stay awake for up to 3 hours at a time, at a minimum of once per month.--
That you can say yes or no. No other verbal skills are required.--
You need at times to be able to think. This eliminates most people from consideration. On the other hand, some of us clearly fake it.
The Joy of Gardening:--
I can grow anything better than you.--
Creeping Charlie is really kind of pretty.--
Rabbits never eat weeds.--
How was I suppose to know anchovies wasn't a vegetable?--
I like those $40 rocks that you can buy for your garden. They engrave them with words like joy, love, peace, welcome. I just magic marked a few of my own. I went with ''die rabbits,'' ''grow you stupid vegetables,'' and ''stay out of my garden.'' Somehow seems more practical.
Name that Restaurant:--
Tabascos: Home of the original hot lunch.--
Leaping Lizards: This place is really jumping.--
Italian Winos: The finest wines, served with a side order of food.--
Down-home Billies: Dine with undesirables. The food ain't half as bad as the help.--
Crazy Mary's: Famous for psychosis producing sauces.--
Fast Freddy's Feline Delights: Prrfectly delicious.--
The Meat Market: For carnivores only. Doubles as a singles bar.
Here's one for you history buffs out there. Were the founders of Galesburg:
1. Rich homosexuals from New York.
2. Fur trading commies from Russia.
3. Religious crazed Muslims from Iran.
4. Lost Swedes.
5. All of the above.
From the DSM-IV. Maladies of the mind:--
CommunicatiOn disorder: Many ministers have this. Most doctors are afflicted. All
politicians have been diagnosed with this disorder.--
Mathematics disorder: One plus one equals three.--
Shared psychotic disorder: At least you're not stingy.--
Disorder of Written Expression: Don't be pointing fingers.--
Religious or Spiritual problem: Sorry all you right-wing Christian soldiers.
Rush Limbaugh announcing football for ABC? I definitely see him more as a WWF announcer. He'd fit right in with that circus. All talk and no brains.