­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians.

­­ Quote of the week: ''I heard a stock-dove sing and say/ His homily late, this very day;/ His voice was buried among trees,/ Yet to be come-at by the breeze:/ He did not cease; but cooed and cooed;/ And somewhat pensively he wooed;/ He sang of love, with quiet blending,/ Slow to begin, and never ending;/ Of serious faith, and inward glee;/ That was the song, the song for me!'' --William Wordsworth, ''Nightingale! Thou Surely Art''

­­The Seven Wonders of Galesburg:

1.The City Council

­­ I've been thinking about what I can do to make Galesburg a better place to live. I know what you're thinking. I ain't leaving.

­­ I should have bought the Clinton Nuclear Power plant from Illinois Power. I hear dinosaurs are really big right now.

­­ I heard that Galesburg District 205 has a 27 percent dropout rate. Surely that can't be right? If 27 percent of the basketball team quit out at the high school, it would be considered a disaster. There would be a town meeting at the auditorium and someone would get hung. If this 27 percent figure is right, there should be a town meeting at the auditorium and someone should get hung.

­­ I saw a couple of weeks back Knox College slipped in a right-winger at one of their educational events. I suppose the administration was being politically correct, since Angela Davis was scheduled to appear that same week. In fact I'm not so sure Knox College didn't invent the term ''politically correct.'' Seems the African-American students who were present handled the whole thing quite well. By report, some of the white students feasted on his baloney. What can you say? You send some kids to college and all they can do is repeat what they've learned at home. Seems like a terrible waste of time and money.

­­ Here are some encouraging words you can read at the bank: ''Deposits Federally Insured. Backed by the full faith and credit of the United States Government.'' I suppose the government has reasonable credit, particularly since they print the money. But I can't say much about having a whole lot of faith in them. I see and hear daily examples of the government running amok. Most of our Congressmen and Senators are sorry examples of public servants. They are more like corporate slaves. What troubles me the most is that we elect them. What troubles me the second most is that we continue to re-elect them.

­­ Some good news. Illinois is suddenly so flush with money that many are going to get some tax relief. This is the same state that was so broke for 20 years we couldn't fix pot holes that you could potentially get lost in. Gov. George Ryan has given away millions to appease every campaign donor who has ever given a dollar to his illustrious political career, and still there's money to go around. The only question I have is where did all of this money suddenly come from? Frankly, I don't buy the whole thing. I think we're headed for broke. Pretty soon we won't be able to afford the state government. Darn.

­­ A slight case of mistaken identity seems to have recently occurred in our fair county. I always wondered why you would rob a bank in your home town, wear no disguise, and calmly go to work the next day. You would either have to have an IQ of 32, or you got the wrong person. Nowadays that seldom ever occurs to the people making arrests. One common sense piece of logic after another is repeatedly overlooked. A confession, you figure, is always a good piece of evidence. Of course what we don't figure is that it may have been gotten improperly. That you would than go ahead and charge someone with obstructing justice for making a confession they claimed was coerced would not offhand appear to be a wise decision. An apology and a check would seem more appropriate.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online May 16, 2000

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