LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Impeach the President

Our President is a danger to the world. He needs to be removed from office. He has: 1. Started a war with a lie, and, 2. Illegally spied on American citizens.

These are surely constitutional violations. He needs to be removed — NOW.

— Bumper sticker of the week: War is so last century.

— Where’s the holy water? We need it spread over all the Earth.

— The National Guard should also protect us from Canadians: Mexico, hell. What about Canada? I hear tell those Canadians are flocking over the border to partake of our superior health-care system. Seeing they have one of those horrible socialist systems where health-care is made available to every citizen, this is something you would have to expect. We must stop them now, before we all end up speaking Canadian.

— McCain prays to Falwell: “Please help me win the Republican presidential nomination. I swear I won’t call you any more names.” I don’t trust McCain as far as I can see him. He’s old school and a war hawk. Of all people, he should be talking about avoiding war at all, if not any, cost. He should know better, having been a POW for years. Apparently he didn’t use the time to think while being held captive. Otherwise, he’d be singing a different tune. His rhetoric rings of revenge and the archaic idea of “Let’s get them before they get us.” Seems to me he’s still being held captive.

— Neil Young scores big: The old rocker comes through again. “Living With War” is a great protest album. I hope his income taxes are in order, 'cause I’m sure he vaulted to Bush’s Top 10 “hit” list.

P.S. The Dixie Chicks also let it be known they aren’t about to be intimidated by Bush and his douche-bag entourage of criminals. Look out for “Not Ready to Make Nice.”

— I noticed the danger barometer for a potential terrorist attack recently went up. I almost forgot about this highly scientific breakthrough in national security. My guess is there’s an election coming up. Karl Rove is back at work.

— We’re all mixed up anyway, why not give one another a break?

— Dear Mr. President: There’s no reason to spy on me. I’ll be right up front with you. I don’t like you. I cringe when I see your face or hear your voice. In fact, I pretty much like anybody who doesn’t like you. I have no respect for you. You are a spoiled, spoon fed rich man who doesn’t have a clue. So don’t waste your time tapping my phone or reading my computer or checking my library list. You’ll see nothing but things that upset you. And we wouldn’t want that.

— Mission (not) Accomplished: This war is wrong. It’s easy to see it’s going to serve absolutely no purpose. In my lifetime I’ve seen three wars do exactly that, serve absolutely no purpose. What do you say to a parent, a husband, a wife, grandparents, children, who have lost a loved one in these wars.: “Sorry our President lied.” “Gee, maybe the Domino Theory wasn’t right after all.” “They said it was for freedom and democracy.” Ends up arrogance, revenge, oil, and world domination are not good motives for war. It only causes grief and sorrow and misery. Our hearts get broken, yet we continue to send our sons and daughters on a one- way ticket to hell. We don’t want to believe what we know in our hearts to be true: That this is wrong. Dead wrong. And it does not deserve our support.