Leave It To Peever
1 Juin 2000

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: I got this car for my wife. Not a bad trade.

­­ Quote of the week: ''You must do the thing you think you cannot do.'' --Eleanor Roosevelt

­­ Once upon a midnight dreary: -- It's estimated 9 out of 10 persons driving after midnight have been drinking. The other one has been drugging.--

Most domestic batteries occur after midnight. Drinking usually has a lot to do with it. ''But honey, I really love you. Sorry about the split lip, but you know better than to make me angry when I've been drinking.''
I love watching television after midnight. Most of the programming is aimed at the intellectual level of zombies.--

At the stroke of midnight, most people turn into monsters. Luckily, an angel has her hand on most of their heads.--

I seldom stay up until midnight. Too scary for me.

­­ The Chicago School Board has decided to get parents involved with their children's education. They have asked teachers to issue report cards to the parents measuring their cooperation and participation. Bruce, I'm sorry, but you have failed parenting as far as your child's schooling is concerned. An F. Yea, that's great. So what? I hope they aren't paying these people to come up with such nonsense. I would be glad to give them dopey ideas for free. Maybe parents should do report cards for the teachers? Or better yet, how about for the school board? These brains forget; you don't need an education or have to be the least bit responsible or competent to become a parent. They should be familiar with these requirements. They're the same ones used in picking school board members.

­­ Moses seems to be getting a big head. He lets go with a heavenly degree: give me one more term as president of the NRA and I'll see to it Al Gore does not get elected in November. His premise is that America would be a much safer and nicer place in which to live if every family owns an arsenal of guns. My premise is that Heston has Alzheimer's.

­­ The world according to The Peever:--

If left alone to fend for themselves, men would become extinct.--

Which came first, Adam and Eve or Adam and Steve?--

Rich people need to be very careful where they walk, lest they stumble over their own arrogance.--

Never join an organization that takes a vote on whether or not you can become a member.--

War helps those in power stay there.--

Making a profit means you have exploited someone, somehow.--

The executioner and the killer are one and the same.--

Dead is dead, or so they say, when it comes to judgment day.--

In the scheme of things, the only thing more important than life is death.--

Read one novel per week. It will help you escape reality.--

There are not many human beings who should want the Ten Commandments posted anywhere.--

When you hear someone say, ''this is the truth,'' run.

­­ ''Please do not get in a big hurry in Galesburg. View the time you spend waiting at a railroad crossing as quality time to think about your life.''-- BNSF president

­­ I'm sorry to hear Mayor Giuliani is having health problems, but that obviously is not his only problem. Another law and order, right-wing politician with a ''larger than thou'' ego gets caught with his pants down. This is called the Gingrich Syndrome. It's big in Grinchville, where most of these guys originate. ''Do as I say, not as I do.'' His credibility is shot. Hopefully his health will improve. His reputation as a heartless, mean-spirited leader will not.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online May 31, 2000

Back to The Zephyr