Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Don't shop at sprawl-marts.

­­ Quote of the week: ''Do what the Buddhists do. Every day, have a little bird on your shoulder that asks, 'Is today the day? Am I ready? Am I doing all I need to do? Am I being the person I want to be?''' Tuesday With Morrie, Mitch Albom

­­ You know you're from Galesburg when:--

You consider being called a ''Pork Queen'' an honor.--

Wearing bib overalls is a status symbol.--

You know what ''knee high by the 4th of July'' means.--

A traffic jam is five cars stuck behind a tractor.--

You think the four major food groups are pork chops, brats, beer, and ketchup.--

You recognize all the train engineers.--

You dial in Channel 7 every other Monday night for entertainment.--

You expect your cable connection not to work.

­­ Super Wal-Mart is coming to town. Everybody thinks it's just great. I suppose I'll be the only fool opposed to the idea. Since that probably is the case, I might as well bore you with my reasons:

­­ Eagle Country Market, the only union grocery store in town, will be history.

­­ Any remaining family businesses hanging on will be out.

­­ Hy-Vee on Henderson will be severely hurt.

­­ The old Wal-Mart building will sit empty, unless they tear it down in order to sell the land for triple what it's worth.

­­ More sprawl.

­­ More farmland lost.

­­ No one will give a thought to what will happen at the corner of Fremont and Carl Sandburg Drive.

­­ Watch what Wal-Mart, the largest retailer in the world, asks the city to contribute, for free.

­­ Wal-Mart will likely want to put in a gas station. They have partnered with Murphy Oil Company to sell gas at less than cost, in eventual hopes of dominating the gas industry.

Educate yourself! Watch ''Store Wars: When Wal-Mart Comes To Town,'' on June 7, 10pm, on PBS. (Check local listing).

­­ Warning signs of insanity:--

When the phone rings, you yell out ''Another angel just got its wings.''--

You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.--

Your behaviors were once considered cute. Now they are grounds for commitment.--

Your worries have turned to fears and your fears are all coming true.--

You once thought you were alone. Now there are more of you than you care to admit.

­­ In the 2000 Illinois General Assembly election:--

In the State House races: Out of 118 races, 60 were uncontested (50.8%).--

In the State Senate races: Out of 19 races, 9 were uncontested (47.4%).--

In the March 2000 primary, 95 House Districts with an incumbent only had one name on the ballot (81%).

This data means one of two things: We need to go back to proportional representation, or we need to allow prisoners and non-citizens to run for office.

­­ Truly worthless facts:--

About 100 people choke to death each year on ballpoint pens.--

A group of frogs is called an army.--

The average life-span of a major league baseball -- five pitches.--

There are an average of 178 sesame seeds on a Big Mac bun.--

A bowling pin need tilt only 7.5 degrees in order to fall down.

­­ The PGA lost its case against Casey Martin, the disabled golfer who needs to ride a cart in order to compete. The PGA was way out of bounds on this one. Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer opposed Casey. They think it would amount to an unfair advantage. Nicklaus wanted to take the justices out to the golf course to prove his point that walking is a major part of golfing tradition. Where does he think these people spend most of their time?

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online June 6, 2001

Back to The Zephyr