Regrets, IÕve had a few


— Bumper sticker of the week: The Virgin Mary was an unwed teenage mother.

— Quotes of the week: ÒWomen like silent men. They think theyÕre listening.Ó Marcel Archard

     ÒIÕm recording our history on the bedroom wall. And when we leave the landlord will come and paint over it all.Ó  Ani DiFranco

— Five ways to not look like a tourist:

    1. Dress as dumb as the locals.

    2. Learn to speak the language. In Arkansas, thatÕs not easy.

3. Spend time with the locals.

    4. Live on the street with the homeless.

    5. DonÕt go anywhere.

— Number of years Albert Einstein estimated humans could live if all bees died: 4.

— Men donÕt think twice about killing people in war or as a result of capital punishment. But when a woman makes a decision to have an abortion, all of a sudden itÕs murder and a mortal sin. I think thatÕs a bunch of crap.

— I can remember sitting along listening to Carole King, Linda Ronstadt, James Taylor, Joni Mitchell. When they sang about love, I could taste it. It was better than one of those Moo Lattes from Dairy Queen.

— How to make the most out of life:

     ¥ Try to take the positive things in your life and use them to your advantage. DonÕt paint yourself in a corner.

     ¥ Sleep at least 6-8 hours per night. It takes your unconscious mind at least that long to straighten you out.

     ¥ Put work no higher than 5th on your priority list.

     ¥ Do something worthwhile for someone else at least once per day.

     ¥ Never hand feed an alligator.

     ¥ Read a lot. Fiction, non-fiction, poetry. Give up the dime-store novels. They only clutter up your mind with nonsense.

     ¥ Never take the advice of anyone claiming to know Òthe truth,Ó or Òthe way.Ó

     ¥ Give yourself a break. YouÕre going to make mistakes. The best you can hope for is they wonÕt be fatal.

— Regrets. IÕve had a few:

     ¥ I wanted to be a psychiatrist. IÕd have specialized in helping Republicans.

     ¥ I drank too much in high school. I think thatÕs why I canÕt remember much of it.

     ¥ I regret not having gone to Peoria to see Mother Theresa.

     ¥ A donÕt see a lot of my old friends. ThereÕs just never enough time. I suppose IÕm more sad about that than regretful.

¥ When I think back about some of the dumb things IÕve done, and how inconsiderate IÕve been at times, I regret not having been a better husband, father, and son.

     ¥ Seeing I wasnÕt smart enough to be a psychiatrist, I wish IÕd have founded Roto-Rooter. I still could have specialized in Republicans.