LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Life’s finer things

— Bumper sticker of the week: Did the Pilgrims have papers?

— Quote of the week: "What we’re seeing at the gas pumps is part of the bill for Bush’s reckless militarism.” Matthew Rothschild

— Some of the finer things in life:

• A good vintage merlot.

• Watching Toni Braxton sing the other night on “American Idol.”

• Waking up in the morning with nothing else to do for the day but play golf.

• Getting together with a group of friends and acting silly.

• Walking into some of the great cathedrals and holy places and just taking it in.

• Going into a Whole Food grocery store.

• Reading about some one or some community saying no to Wal-Mart.

• Watching white collar criminals go to prison.

• I think Big Al’s is pretty fine.

• Sitting on my porch with a good cup of coffee counting traffic is hard to beat.

— I’ve starting keeping a not-to-do list:

• I’m not going to remain quiet while people die in a senseless war.

• I’m not going to do an hour's paperwork for every hour of counseling I do.

• I’m not about to stand by and watch right-wing Christian soldiers make a mockery out of Christianity.

• I’m not going to mow the lawn in 90 degree weather.

• I’m not going to Summerfest this year in Milwaukee due to them hosting the NRA convention. They’re on my boycott list along with my not-to-do list.

• I’m not going to eat a whole pie ever again.

— Answering the e-mail:

• I received an anonymous letter asking me to look into the amount of time President Bush spends on vacation. Obviously, the White House doesn’t say much about this. Remember, this is an administration that thrives on secrecy. Still, it has been widely reported that Mr. Bush has spent more time on vacation than any previous president, ever. I have mixed emotions about this. From a taxpayer's point of view, I which he would work a little harder. However, from a practical point of view, I would sooner he be on vacation than sitting in the White House doing something stupid. I would sooner he do that in Texas.

• I received an e-mail suggesting that I have been going soft on Bush and asking whether I had turned Republican. I can assure you, as sure as summer is coming, that ain’t going to happen. I don’t like big business, Wall Street, Rush Limbaugh, pro-lifers, pro-corporate welfare, right-wing Christian soldiers, graft, corruption, war, The Wall Street Journal, Fox Network, The Heritage Foundation, Coors Beer, O’Reilly, or the Bush Family.

• Someone asked me why I don’t ever say anything about Louie, Dewey, Huey, and Tim, who are constantly in the comment section talking about religion and politics, seemingly two of my favorite subjects. The answer is simple: I don’t read what they write. I don’t need that kind of aggravation.

• People ask me why I’m so negative. I ask them why they’re so perky. We got to even it out somehow.

• Someone e-mailed me the other day suggesting that the city council has been doing much better. The only question I have is what city council are you talking about?

• The last e-mail on my list suggested that I retire. I’m not sure if it was from my boss or someone suggesting that I retire from writing. Either way, I appreciate the input.