Leave It To Peever

­­Bumper sticker of the week: Given a 50-50 chance, you will be wrong 90 percent of the time.

­­Quotes of the week: ''It is the business of little minds to shrink.'' --Carl Sandburg

''Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.'' --Thomas Szasz

­­Railroad Days. It's about time we tried something new. We can't decide where to hold Railroad Days, much less figure out what to do once you get there. Burlington puts us to shame with Steamboat Days, and I haven't ever met anyone in Burlington with an IQ over 50. Anyway, I've given this a lot of thought and think we should go with Rubber Daze. Rubber Daze would be a lot more practical and up-to-date. It would appeal to almost everyone, short of our right-wing Christian, total abstinent, never let them see you're happy brethren. I think the whole idea sounds great, and quite uplifting.

­­Things that would help Galesburg and Knox County prosper, but are not ever likely to happen:--

We could raise cannabis as our main crop.--

We could put toll booths on all the exits leaving Galesburg and charge $100 to leave, $1000 if permanent.--

I think the courthouse would make a great old time saloon, with gambling and loose women, not particularly in that order.--

Selling the rights to televise the city council meetings would surely make us some money. We could definitely compete with ''Weakest Link.''--

I would redo the downtown. Make it real pretty. Flowers, green paint, fancy street signs, a few of those big clocks, and a lot of Purington Pavers. Then I'd sit back and watch all the businesses leave. Remember, we're charging a $1000 to leave.

­­Personal growth issues:--

The more you think about yourself, the less time you have to worry about others.--

A good scapegoat is always as good as a solution.--

If wisdom comes with age, why are people laughing at me more often?--

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you and your gun.--

If you're wronged, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit, but not near as gratifying.

­­Timothy McVeigh is dead. A potential unfair trial was no match for the sweet taste of revenge flowing through our veins. It was one of the sorriest days that I have seen in my 53 years. The entire thing was disgusting. When you think about it, it's hard to feel any kind of empathy for a person who is willing to kill anyone to make a point. Then I thought about recently listening to former Senator Kerry talk about his experiences in Vietnam. Seems they were willing to kill anybody to make a point. Sometimes the justification for killing gets pretty blurry. Take for instance capital punishment....

­­A thinking test:--

Does thinking jeopardize your job?--

Have you ever been treated for thinking?--

Have people told you that you would make a good politician due to your lack of thinking?--

Is thinking affecting your reputation?--

Has your efficiency decreased due to thinking?--

Have you ever wanted to think in the morning?

­­Henderson St. is like a dream with nightmarish implications. We may end up with a pretty, new street with no businesses left on it.

­­A tale from the naked dancing lama: ''One day, many moons ago, a missionary came to our land and converted our people to Christianity. Because I was a great dancer, and most generally naked, they changed my name to Tom Smith, clothed me, and sat me at a desk. They said this was the moral and righteous thing to do. I took their word for it, although it seemed odd. I was happy the way things were. So I worked from 9-5, wore suits, and went to church on Sundays. I did this for many years. Now on my death-bed, they ask me what I believe and how and where I would like to be buried. I told them to ask the missionary, for fear my answer might anger him.'' From, The Naked Dancing Lama's Journal

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online June 20, 2001

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