LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Wimpy, whiny Democrats

— Bumper sticker of the week: Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. It ain’t going to work.

— Quote of the week: “The illusion is that nationalism helps to free people. The reality is that nationalism is now the same as militarism.

“The illusion is that other nations are inferior, misguided, and wrong in their ways. The reality is that every nation struggles with inner conflict.

“The illusion is that God favors one country and supports its destiny. The reality is God has never expressed an opinion about any nation, and never will.

“The illusion is that national boundaries make us secure. The reality is that we live in an open world where boundaries mean less and less.

“The illusion is your country defines who you are. The reality is that finding out who you are requires self-searching and self-knowledge.” Deepak Chopra

— Ten good old-fashioned ways to gain wealth:

1. Inherit it.

2. Marry into it.

3. Cheat old people.

4. Cheat young people.

5. Cheat minority people.

6. Run a company and steal the retirement fund.

7. Get the government to back you.

8. Buy things cheap and sell them for a lot.

9. Take everything off of public lands and sell it.

10. If all else fails, invent something useless, like cell phones.

— Military recruiters should be kept out of high schools: They pose a dangerous threat to our children. Mothers, you need to get MAMS (Mothers Against Military Service). Fathers, you need to get real. If you see recruiting posters in school, don’t be afraid to ask to hang posters countering their message. After all, high schools are not recruitment centers. And besides, we own them.

— A county flag: Now there’s something we really needed. Knox County probably has an unemployment rate and underemployed rate of at least 30%, and they give us a flag.

— I’m taking odds the development on North Seminary Street will never get off the ground. The longer I look at the plan, the fishier it gets. The Zoning Commission loved it. After all, it took someone at least an hour to draw it up. The last bet I made, I lost two dinners on the Bush win. So you might want to get in touch.

— Bush and Congress sinking together: What a lovely sound. The gurgling and gasping for one last breath of air. Drowning in their own sea of stupidity. Bush’s approval rating is at 43%, Congress at 31%. I feel bad, really bad. The party is Saturday night.

— White House official changes reports on greenhouse gases to suit his oil producing friends: Ah, the fine art of editing. If you can’t beat ‘em, change ‘em.

— Speaking of Democrats: What a group of wimpy whiners. They cry about Dean because he goes on the attack. They compromise so we can put right-wing judges on the federal bench for the rest of their lives. Maybe social security could use some changes. Yea, war’s not all that bad. Gee, we wouldn’t want to have universal health care, someone might call that a socialist idea. There must be something about being a Democrat that involves not having a spine. Those guys and gals in Washington cave in quicker than my swimming pool did. I got some good advice for any Democrat wanting to act like a Republican: Forget it. They’re way too good at it. All it’s going to do for you is make your whiner go limp.