Role models are a dime a dozen.

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: If Bush is right, I'll take what's left.

­­ Quote of the week: ''If I seem to take part in politics, it is only because politics encircles us today like the coil of a snake from which one cannot get out, no matter how much one tries. I wish to wrestle with the snake.'' Mahatma Gandhi

­­ The world mystifies me:--

A toilet is really a fascinating thing. You fill it up with really nasty stuff, flush it, and presto, its gone. Where does all that stuff go?--

Carpet cleaner is really neat stuff. I use Resolve. Put a little Resolve on anything, and it vanishes. I'm going to put some on my hand and shake hands with Bush. One can only hope.--

I don't get computers. I don't know how they can be so smart? I don't know anyone smart enough to make them that smart.--

Cell phones. There are no wires? Thank God.--

How do movies and music get onto a CD? It's weird.--

An x-ray can see thru my skin. Surely someone could invent glasses that would see thru clothes.--

Spiderman was a big hit. Most people hate spiders.--

I can't make out the lyrics to any of this new music. What is this about?--

Why do aliens sneak around so much and only make themselves known to nut cases?--

If guns were such a great invention, why aren't there more cowboys?--

If there really is a God, why would he or she have invented us and ruined a perfect thing?--

Why is everyone who claims it is love that holds marriages together divorced?--

How can you win an election and lose?

­­ Galesburg sure has a lot of homes for sale. And they are all priced sky-high! Our population continues to decline, businesses continue to leave town, and the city council continues to meet, yet real estate goes up and up. I suppose this means the worse things get, the more money our homes are worth and the more money real estate agents can make, once again proving the old adage: Crime does pay.

­­ How to know when you're getting old:--

When you fart in a crowd and don't get embarrassed.--

You hear yourself saying things to young people like, ''Back in my days, we didn't do stupid things like pierce our nipples,'' or ''What are you, an alien or what?''--

You wear the most stupid looking things imaginable.--

You carry a card that has your name, address, and telephone number on it, in case you get lost.--

You start addressing everyone by saying, ''Hey kid.''--

If you have to lift your boobs into a bra.--

If having a BM becomes an enjoyable experience.--

If you have more wrong with you than you have right.--

If you're working at a job, i.e. volunteering, and not getting paid for it, you might be both old and stupid.

­­ I don't take any pride in saying I was right all along, but obviously, I have been right all along about Bush and his merry band of murdering hooligans. These are a bunch of irrational madmen. We have seen the faces of the enemy, and it is theirs. Bush wants Saddam Hussein dead and Yasser Arafat to go away, which I think is Texan for dead. This is the head of the most powerful country in the world declaring death sentences on other heads of state. If I hadn't heard it the other night myself, I still wouldn't believe it. That's when I had an epiphany. Suddenly I realized that my intuition about how bad this guy is has been right all along.

­­ Role models are a dime a dozen: I was recently talking with a young college student whose only goal in life is to make money. Lots of it. His role models are Jack Welch, Ken Lay, and Bill Gates. These are recent examples of capitalist businessmen who have made money, lots of it. Jack Welch, former CEO of GE, lifted his company out of poverty by laying off tens of thousands of workers and shipping their jobs overseas, in order to tap into cheap labor. He wrote a best selling book about his accomplishments, but seems to have left out the part about screwing his secretary all the while. This is a role model? Ken Lay, former CEO of Enron, made hundreds of millions of dollars off the backs of stockholders and employees and still doesn't believe he did anything wrong. This is a role model? Bill Gates, the richest man in the world, lives in a $55 million home and gives a lower percent of his income to charity than most poor people do. This is a role model? These men amount to nothing more than the laughing stock of a nation turned toward greed. They are Capitalist Kings whose thrones are built off the backs of the poor. If one admires these men and elevates them to the height of role models, you are easily duped. My advice: Seek help.

Uploaded to The Zephyr website July 2, 2002

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