Leave It To Peever

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

­­ Quote of the week: ''Somehow liberals have been unable to acquire from life what conservatives seem to be endowed with at birth; namely, a healthy skepticism of the power of government agencies to do good.'' Daniel Moynihan

­­ Questions:--

Dear Peever: Which came first, ''economic incentives,'' or people to take advantage of them? Jane--

Dear Jane: I'm not sure, but here's a clue. I recently applied for one of the city's 3 percent loans.--

Dear Mr. Peever: What did you think about Railroad Days? Tom--

Dear Tom: The weather was beautiful.--

Dear Peever: Bitch, bitch, bitch. Is that all you ever do? Karen--

Dear Karen: I bitch, therefore I am.--

Dear Mr. Weik: You seem very liberal. What's the deal? Eric--

Dear Eric: I'm left-handed, I played left-field, and I like left-overs. So there.--

Dear Bruce: I was wondering what you thought about District 205's decision to monitor our kids' behavior all year long? Carl--

Dear Carl: Instead of summer vacation, it sounds like summer detention. I think it stinks. It smells like a lawsuit. I'll donate $100 towards the defense fund, that's how bad I think it smells.--

Dear Peever: What do you think about unions? Carolyn--

Dear Carolyn: There isn't a worker that shouldn't belong to one. People have bought management's line of bull hook, line, and sinker. We're no better off than we were in the early 1900s. People working for little more than minimum wage think it's great. At least it's a job. It's not great, it's called poverty.--

Dear Mr. Peever: Did you hear Alderman Allan's claim that he received 30-40 calls opposing Mike Kroll's proposed appointment to the library board? Gary--

Dear Gary: I think Mr. Allan is having trouble with his numbers. I haven't had over forty calls during nine years of public service. I did, however, have 900 calls suggesting I write something about this in the peeves. So it's not impossible.--

Dear Peever: Did you see the list of billionaires in the paper? Marsha--

Dear Marsha: Yes. There are now 538 of them, each in their own right capable of taking your last dollar. I believe they left my name off by mistake. The richest is technically Bill Gates, although the Walton family together have $93.1 billion. That's why I don't like Wal-Mart. You think you're getting a deal there?--

Dear Peever: Are you optimistic about the future? Carol--

Dear Carol: I am cautiously optimistic. Having people like President Bush in charge helps. People begin to wake up to what is going on. This will help. So does Prozac.--

Dear Mr Weik: How is your friend Jake? Haven't heard from him in a while. I love his writing. He seems very smart and sophisticated. Ralph--

Dear Jake: How are you? Hope to get together with you soon. I understand you are now mayor of Oquawka? No, I don't want to be vice-mayor, but thanks anyway.--

Dear Peever: Why don't you like Galesburg? Bob--

Dear Bob: If I had to pick between living in Galesburg or living in Los Angeles, I would pick Galesburg, once again demonstrating that my judgment is at least partially intact.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online July 3, 2001

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