LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Working class heroes

— Bumper sticker of the week: A system that robs Peter to pay Paul will always have Paul’s support.

— Quotes of the week: “Every American who is prepared to run for President should automatically, by definition, be disqualified from ever doing so.” Gore Vidal

“In America, any boy may become President and I suppose it’s just one of the risks he takes.” Adlai Stevenson

— Questions about The Peeves:

• Do you know anything? I know a little about a lot and hardly anything about most things.

• How long have you been writing this crap? Too long.

• Have you written any books? Several. The last was, “Why All Politicians are Perfect Assholes.” I wrote it with a proctologist from Jersey.

• Where do you get all your goofy stuff from? I read the Register-Mail.

• Do you have any idea how many people you offend? At last count, they tell me about 96.7%. Hopefully, after this week, I’ll move up to around 98.3%.

• Are you accountable to anyone? To my higher power — the editor. Luckily, he can’t read. He went to Knox.

• Are all your stories and statistics accurate? I’ve only made two mistakes in the 11 years this column has appeared. I gave credit to the EDC (now GREDA) for bringing Santa Claus to town, and I mentioned that the mayor and city council all seemed to be of average intelligence. I was wrong on both accounts.

— Answers (You supply the questions):

• Yes, I’ve occasionally thought of that.

• I think it’s possible, however, I’ve never personally seen it done.

• Sex is always an issue.

• Probably two or three times a week.

• I retired. I don’t need to bend over any more.

• Try telling that to my wife.

— Good ways to make use of bad habits:

• Dress like a nun on Halloween.

• Write a book about your miserable life.

• If you lie a lot, go to law school.

• If you enjoy shooting people, join the Army.

• Become a professional wine taster.

• Put doing nothing to good use. Become a politician.

— Working class heroes: Here’s to the guys and gals who put in a hard day’s work. The times have been tough: wages down, benefits gone, hours up, and many of the jobs people have made a decent living at are gone. There are no highfalutin reasons other than corporations wanting to make higher profits. Welcome to BushWorld. The greatness of this country was built, and continues to rest, on its citizens and their willingness to put in a hard days work, at fair wages, for decent benefits, and a reasonable level of assurance that they will have a job to go to in the morning. Over the last 12 years or so, all these things have been in jeopardy. Our working class heroes have not gotten a ticker-tape parade, they have been given the shaft. As a result, we are not the country we once were. Our economy is less, our politics are less, and our spirit is diminished. It is time for a working class revolution. In order to buy our labor, the transaction needs to be fair and mutually beneficial. When that balance is lost, so are we.