Bumper sticker of the week: Passionate kiss like spider web, soon lead to undoing of fly.
B.S. You decide:--
99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.--
85 percent of statistics are made up.--
You know you hit middle age when you chose your cereal by the fiber content rather than the toy.--
More people get sick in hospitals than get well.--
It pays to be a monopoly.--
If you are habitually late, you'll seldom be early.--
The more beer you drink, the easier it is to understand Latin.--
One out of two pigeons is eventually mistaken for a chicken.--
Everything tastes like chicken but pigeon.
My tire was thumping, I thought it was flat. When I looked at the tire, I noticed your cat. Sorry.
I hear the city wants the county to give them the Orpheum. This is the same city that hasn't passed a referendum since 1864, demonstrating the lack of confidence the citizens have in the city running anything. Alderman Sundburg uses the term ''give'' awfully loose. If I were him, I would concentrate more on answering the question, Where is everyone going? A fancy theatre without any people is not entertainment, it's fantasy. And it appears Alderman Sundburg wants to be the star.
I suppose if I took all the spiritual books I have read and stacked them on top of one another, and stood on top of them, I would be that much closer to God.
I woke up this morning wondering what it was I needed to buy in order to be happy today. I thought about a new car, a fancy new watch, a boat, new golf clubs. Maybe a piece of the rock. They say the more I buy, the happier I'll be. I should be nearing nirvana, cause I'm running out of room for everything.
People love drugs. There are all types. Some make you high, some make you low. Some make you better, some make you worse. There's always a trade-off, a deal to be made. When the man comes calling with his miracles, beware! They come with a price, the least of which is the cost.
Attilaisms: (From Attila the Hun)--
Great chieftains never take themselves too seriously.--
If it were easy to be a chieftain, everyone would be one.--
Huns will make enemies on purpose.--
A chieftain can never be in charge if he is riding in the back seat.--
Some Huns have solutions for which there are no problems.--
Every Hun has value, even if only to serve as a bad example.
Things you should learn by age 50:--
Never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time.--
Showing off body parts is a trick that eventually wears thin.--
Never lick a steak knife.--
Life insurance comes with a sad ending, particularly for the policy holder.--
Someone who is nice to you but rude to the waitress is not a nice person.--
For men: messing with young women will cost you.--
For women: messing with older men will cost you.--
No matter how old you feel, it's only going to get worse.
Never go out with a guy named Freddie on Friday the 13th.