LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

A misconception

— Bumper sticker of the week: You laugh because I’m different. I laugh because you’re all the same.

— Quote of the week: “Destroying human life in the hopes of saving human life is not ethical,” George W. Bush. (This obviously does not apply to war or capital punishment.)

— Globalization = Exploitation: Globalization is an excuse to go after cheap labor. White collar workers didn’t pay much attention when factory jobs were moving to China and Mexico. We weren’t losing the “brain jobs.” But that has all changed. Now, radiologists in India read x-rays from American emergency rooms while our doctors are sleeping. Engineers do much of the work on American projects while never setting foot in the U.S. And wouldn’t you know it, now journalists are reporting the local news in U.S. cities without ever boarding an airplane. Companies can hire 4-5 journalists, engineers, doctors, all educated and trained in the U.S., for the price of one living in the U.S. It’s good to see that people in other countries are being able to better themselves. But enough is enough. To beat the trend, I’m going to massage school. So far they haven’t figured out how to outsource that job.

— The only thing Ann Coulter has going for her is her looks, and I’m figuring most of that is fake. She talks, and stupidity flows out of her mouth. At an alarming rate. She should get together with Rush Limbaugh. She could help him get off Viagra, and he, in return, could listen to her crap.

— There seems to be a misconception about the city’s second industrial park. It seems some of the alderman have asked the mayor how a road leading to a corn field is going to help the city. He was heard mumbling, “If you build it, they will come.”

— Baby boomers: The world has rotated around us and will continue to do so, for the foreseeable future. We exploded onto the scene after WWII, helped popularize sex, drugs, and rock & roll, and are now moving from baby boomers to old geezer boomers, at the rate of 330 every hour. Ends up we haven’t done the world a whole lot of good. It’s about time for us to step out of the way.

— Answering the e-mail:

• Dear Mr. Peever: Why do you start all your columns with a bumper sticker? Dave

• Dear Dave: Bumper stickers are short and simple. Get it?

• Peever: Why don’t you get involved in some of the discussions going on in Box One? Larry

• Dear Larry: Not interested.

• Mr. Bruce: You seem increasingly upset with Mr. Bush. He is, after all, our President. Shouldn’t you show a little respect? Alice

• Dear Alice: I have officially declared him “not my President.” He is a despicable, conceited, lying moron. The only job I see him fit for is Queen of England. Then he could consummate his relationship with Tony Blair. That would be good for the tabloids, helping him to make a real contribution to humanity.

• Dear Bruce: A new super Wal-Mart. I bet you’re thrilled? Sam

• Dear Sam: I’m tickled pink. We can subsidize more of their workers, who don’t receive a living wage or adequate health care benefits. Lucky us.

• Your thoughts on Dick Cheney. Carl

• Dear Carl: His first name says it all.