Leave it to Peever

-- Bumper sticker of the week: Support a lawyer. Become a doctor.

-- Quote of the week: ''Your presence is a present to the world. You're unique and one of a kind. Your life can be what you want it to be. Take the days just one at a time. Don't put limits on yourself. So many dreams are waiting to be realized. Decisions are too important to leave to chance. Reach for your peak, your goal, your prize. Nothing wastes more energy than worrying. The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets. Don't take things too seriously. Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets. Count your blessings, not your troubles. You'll make it through whatever comes along. Within you are so many answers. Understand, have courage, be strong.'' -- Douglas Pagels--

Here's a horror story you never want to hear: The condom broke, didn't it?--

The world doesn't owe you a living, it was here first.--

Fools often fall in love. Unfortunately, they reproduce.--

The best things in life are free. Of course, so are the worst.--

Sure, you think you're right, but I know the truth.--

Politicians waste their time wasting our money.--

Some cheap advice:

-- Don't bother going to the bathroom if you don't have to go.--

No matter how good a deal it sounds like, don't buy it over the phone.--

In order to stay cool during the summer, live in a cave.--

If you're on a low-fat, low-cholesterol diet, kiss your taste buds goodbye.--

If you have a kid acting up, run away from home.--

If you take a lot of medications, move to Canada or Mexico.--

Help another person reach their potential and you'll feel a lot better when they take your job.--

Never get lured into buying a new or used car. Biking and walking are good for you.--

Before you get married, live together. It won't get any better.--

Imagine you had everything. You'd still want more.--

Some peeverisms:--

Don't laugh at racist jokes. God frowns on such behavior.--

If you love to bowl, no one will ever be able to accuse you of being an elitist.--

If your a Christian and approve of the death penalty, find a new hobby.--

Guns don't kill people. The lose of blood does.--

Don't become a parent until you understand the trauma it can create.--

Getting married before age 25 can cause premature loss of youth. --

Never follow a recipe that has wheat germ in it. It will taste like dirt.--

Given the laws of probability, surely not every dummy is a politician.--

The crusade is on again to get some clothing on the strippers out at the Platinum Club. I couldn't agree more. I hate looking at naked women -- especially when I go to a strip joint. That's the last thing I want to see. I want a good meal and a beer. The rest of that stuff's uncalled for. Besides, one heart attack is enough.--

I'd love to learn more about different religions. I don't have near enough exposure to what others believe. I'm particularly interested in Right-Wing Christian Fundamental theology. Their Bible starts out, ''In the beginning there was white man, and it was good.'' One of their commandments reads, ''Thou shall not think for yourself.'' I'm particularly struck by this bit of advice, ''Christ would have been a Republican. So should you.'' Fascinating stuff.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online July 18, 2000

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