LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
Bush's brain leaked
— Bumper sticker of the week: Ignorance and arrogance is bad foreign policy.
— Quote of the week: ŌMay God break my heart so completely that the whole world falls in.Ķ Mother Teresa
— If it werenÕt for bad luck:
1. My lotto numbers hit, but I forgot to buy a ticket.
2. I found a bag of money, but unfortunately, it was all counterfeit.
3. I won the grand prize at the right-to-die convention.
4. I bet IÕm the only person who ever won a shopping spree at the Salvation Army.
5. Going to dinner with Mike Tyson was not my idea of 1st place.
6. The only time I got a hole-in-one, I was playing golf alone.
7. How often do people get struck by lightening 3 times?
8. I won an all-expense paid trip to Baghdad.
9. I finally met my computer girlfriend. She had more hair than my dog.
10. Somebody told me wishing for good luck was bad. They obviously ainÕt familiar with bad luck.
— I used to care, but I take a pill for that now.
— An ordinance for prairie plots: Seems odd that Galesburg wants an ordinance to monitor, define, and regulate prairie plots. Particularly since we live on a prairie. Burning off a prairie plot might cause pollution. I think it just reminds them of burn barrels. Anyway, I suppose thereÕs no need for a prairie anymore. Things nowadays are more refined. More orderly. Cleaner lines. More lawn-like. ItÕs neater. Sameness is next to Godliness. Besides, if we get rid of prairie plots, maybe Cracker Barrel will come to town?
— Karl Rove breaks the law: AinÕt it funny how some people can get away with committing a felony, and others canÕt. I guess it pays to create Presidents in your own image.
— Some economic development ideas (IÕm only charging $25,000, which is well below what weÕre currently paying):
1. Oak Run has been a successful tax-producing endeavor. How about another 3 or 4 of those?
2. I think we should go for the Olympics. We could call it ŌThe Down-Home, Backyard, Summer Games.Ķ
3. I still think the courthouse would make a good whorehouse, with slots and bingo.
4. A professional baseball team wouldnÕt be bad, although I hear the Pioneers are struggling. To up the ante and get everyoneÕs attention, how about some dancing girls between innings?
5. I heard somebody mention a soccer complex?
6. LetÕs buy an industrial park and make everybody put up outdoor johns. Kind of a throwback to the good old days. We could call it Heritage Park and sell corncobs.
7. HereÕs a novel idea: LetÕs invite the Chinese to make refrigerators.
8. LetÕs charge every train passing thru town carrying dangerous chemicals a $10,000 fee. Kind of an Ķendangering our livesĶ ransom.
9. I think we should open a public golf course and require every golfer to buy a 12-pac for
10. I always thought a company that gives away junk that other companies donÕt want would go over big. Someone with an idea like that might even become mayor some day.