LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

 

It's the war, dummy

 

– Bumper sticker of the week: Beer is now cheaper than gas. Drink, don't drive.

– Quotes of the week: "The people who are doing the work and fighting and the dying, and those who are doing the talking, are not at all the same people." Katherine Anne Porter

"U.S. out of North America." Source unknown

–Since we are in terrible need of soldiers, please go in and have your patriotism circuit board checked.

– Are we whining too much about the economy? I wouldn't call it a whine. I would call it revolutionary anger. The Phil Gramms of the world are not hurting by the Republicans’ senseless leadership. They're only getting richer. The rest of us are only getting poorer. If he thinks we're whining, wait till he sees what else we got up our sleeve.

– Obama: If Obama starts changing his stance on the Iraqi War, he will come off my list as the person to vote for in November. (McCain was never on that list.) If Obama wants to win an election so bad that he begins to falter on his principles, his bumper sticker is coming off my car. It's the war, dummy. The economy can't stay strong when you are wasting hundreds of billions of dollars on a senseless war. He said he would get us out. That needs to be his first priority. If not, he will become my last.

– County board gone overboard: A $62,855 waste of money. An audit that they should have all known was going to show some lack of receipts and poor accountability. It has been that way, probably forever. The sheriff and state's attorney’s offices are the largest county entities. They're always picked on as lax in their accounting efforts. After all, the board has to look like they're doing something. This was a witch-hunt. Unfortunately, the only ones that got burned were us­, the taxpayers.

– Some stupid things:

• Piercing, pennies, and political conventions.

• Fat-free, no sugar ice cream, non-alcoholic beer, and holes in donuts.

• The federal government, the state government, and local government.

• Gambling, gossip, and gadgets.

• Lawyers, meteorologists, and proctologists.

• Brussels sprouts, liver, and Limburger cheese.

• Reality TV, soap operas, and talk shows.

• Sun roofs, spoilers, and 4-wheel drive.

• Push-up bras, spiked heels, and edible underwear.

– The e-mail:

• Dear Peever: If you were mayor, what would you do? Roland

• Dear Roland: Shoot myself.

• Peever: How did you become so radical? Marsha

• Dear Marsha: My mother dropped me on my head when I was 21.

• Mr. Peever: You seem awfully hard on right-wing Christians, most of whom you figure are Republicans. How can a person so liberal, and espousing non-violence, be so cruel? Ron

• Dear Ron: Never underestimate a liberal pacifist, particularly when it comes to countering right-wing bullshit. They've barked up a crazy tune for way too long. It's about time they got bit in the butt. This is called selective non-violence, and it ain't for the faint of heart.