by Bruce Weik

­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over.

­­ Quotes of the week: ''Life only demands from you the strength you possess.'' -- Dag Hammarskjold

''You must try to get along the best you can.'' -- Walt Whitman

­­ Henderson is beginning to sound like a bunch of banty roosters each squawking for their fair share of the hens. They got undrinkable water and they just don't know quite what to do. Here's some cheap advice: Hook up to Galesburg's water. The one thing we have is good water. For those of you worried about becoming dependent on Galesburg, forget it. You already are. In 10-20 years, you'll get over the whole thing. At least you still won't be boiling your water. While you're at it, you should hook up to the sewer. All the antiquated septic tanks up there, that's probably what your drinking. Sure it's going to cost you money. You been getting by on nothing for 50 years. It's sure a lot better than having a bunch of worthless homes.

­­ Some of life's more unusual things:--

poor Republicans--

rich minorities--

conservative Democrats--

honest lawyers--

left-handed chemists--

clothed strippers--

wise judges--

speechless ministers

­­ I see W. Bush has selected his vice-presidential candidate. I had some better suggestions:--

Bozo the Clown is available.--

Dan Quayle would make Bush appear a whole lot smarter.--

Rush Limbaugh wouldn't be bad. He could give a play-by-play account of the inevitable disaster that Bush would create.--

Newt is available, although he wouldn't be much better than a hemorrhoidectomy.--

Bush the elder would give the ticket some much-needed experience. This could be the first father-son combination to ever attempt to destroy America.--

Dick who?

­­ Here's a good on out of Pekin. The Pekin Hospital and oral surgeon Robert Young refuse to fix the broken jaw of an 8-year-old boy whose mother has a green card. Seems they were worried about payment. These jokers are lucky I'm not in charge of denied medical services, or they would be history. If anything like this happens in Galesburg, please let me know. I would be glad to print the circumstance and the names of the doctors involved. I'd love to help stamp out vermin.

­­ It doesn't hurt to want. The problem comes when you have to pay for it.

­­ I've lived over a half a century and still haven't had the opportunity to set foot on another planet. That's discounting Planet Hollywood and giving Chicago the benefit of the doubt.

­­ I dusted off the old crystal ball. Let's see:--

Knox County will eventually get a new jail. However, the date is a little fuzzy.--

There will be no more farm subsidies. The good side of this is there will be no more droughts due to all the crying.--

Medical services will go to pay or pray.--

Something big is going to happen to Galesburg. No, I'm not leaving town.--

I see money in my future. Of course, I also recently saw good health.

­­ Remember, no matter how bad it gets, it can always get worse.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online July 25, 2000

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