LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
Forgive us our sins
— Bumper sticker of
the week: Doing my part to piss off the religious right.
— Ten deadly sins:
1. DonÕt believe everything you think.
2. Cheap is not always the best price.
3. Pretty, or handsome, is only skin
deep.
4. Killing someone is permanent, for
both persons.
5. Never take anything for granted.
6. Taking drugs will not bring you
happiness.
7. Selling drugs will always bring you
sorrow.
8. DonÕt charge full price for a
half-ass job.
9. Never take more than you need.
10. DonÕt
go to church unless you intend on doing something about it.
— Wars: Seems there
are more and more of them. We must all be nuts, to think that the world will be
a better place to live if we kill one another in pursuit of freedom, justice,
and happiness.
— Liberals: The more
education one gets, the more likely they will become a liberal. ThatÕs why they
call it a liberal arts degree. You donÕt get a conservative arts degree. The
object is to educate yourself away from that.
— The seven days of
creation:
Day One: Right-wing
Christians had to be created right off the bat, so someone would believe this
bull.
Day Two: Trees were
created, otherwise, how was Weyerhaeuser going to make any money.
Day Three: Animals were
created for the pleasure of NRA members to kill.
Day Four: On day four,
water was created. Did you ever not take a bath for four days?
Day Five: ÒFamily GuyÓ was
created. There is some controversy about this. Seems some of the people think
ÒThe SimpsonsÓ was first. I donÕt think so.
Day Six: Sex had to be
created somewhere along the line, or you wouldnÕt be reading this. Since the
human race has ended up being pretty dumb, IÕm figuring God was not real crazy
about the idea. He probably had to use a power-point presentation. ÒLay on top
of one another and make a wish. You may need to do this repeatedly, at least
until youÕre 50. Than
forget it.Ó
Day Seven: No selling autos
or beer on day seven. No one has ever quite figured this out, but IÕm betting
Moses got drunk and bought a clunker.
— A Ronald Reagan
dime: A private mint made a Ronald Reagan dime, in honor of, IÕm guessing,
Ronald Reagan. It is a fitting tribute to Reaganomics. You can buy one for $10.
— The World Trade
Organization talks collapsed. No one is buying the line of crap the U.S. is
spreading. ThatÕs a bummer.
— The ten defining
topics for the upcoming election and whatÕs really behind the hype:
1. War: Short for, can the government
convince you that killing people is in our best interest?
2. Immigration: DonÕt jump to
conclusions. We need cheap labor.
3. Economy-national debt: Freedom and
democracy have a price. Are we willing to pay it, and pay it, and pay itÉÉ.
4. Government integrity and
corruption: Where are you going to find anyone more honest and truthful than
us?
5. Universal health-care: DonÕt interfere with
the profits. ItÕs a socialist idea. Health-care is not a right, itÕs a
privilege.
6. Individual rights vs. security and
fear: So what if you lose all your individual rights. YouÕre alive, arenÕt you?
7. Jobs: You want a job, work for
less.
8. Gay bashing: Distractions.
9. Church and state issues: Playing to
the right-wing Christian, in all of us.
10. Stem
cell research: See number nine.