LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
-Bumper sticker of the week: Remember who you want to be.
-Quote of the week: “Even the smallest dog can lift its leg on the tallest building.”
“The corporations don’t have to lobby the government anymore. They are the government.”
-Top ten things to do in Galesburg:
1. Go out to the Lake Storey beach and build mud castles.
2. Go to sleep early.
3. Go out to the industrial park and apply to become a corn plant.
4. Pretend you’re a robot.
5. Repeat over and over: The status quo is good and just and right. The status quo is........
6. While wasting your life sitting at railroad crossings, keep a running tally of the number of railroad cars that go by. When you get to a million, file a complaint. Of course, you file it with the railroad, so don’t bother.
7. Sit on your porch and count cars. If you’re not getting much action, come over to mine on Seminary Street.
8. Try to guess who is in charge in Galesburg.
9. Try thinking up some ridiculous rules. Now run for city council.
-Things to do if you’re bored:
1. Polish your belly button piercing.
2. Play your 33 1/3rd records backward and listen for secret messages.
3. Open a ski resort in Kansas.
4. Memorize the state bird for all 50 states.
5. Write a book about your previous life.
6. Pay off your bad debt with a bad check.
7. Pretend you give a shit.
8. Build a pyramid.
9. Count to a billion, one number a second.
10. If all else fails, buy an inflatable doll and see if you can find a minister to marry you.
-Solving problems: Bunker Links solved the bunker problems, they covered them up with dirt. Apparently the bunker in Bunker Links is out. And it never was much of a links course, so I suppose we can call it Cheapskate Paradise.
-The ice cream man is in trouble: Apparently the ice cream truck that drives around town has been stealing precious business from the concession stand out at Lake Storey. About all this city can come up with are ways to discourage people from attempting to make a little money. I would improve the beach and shout the hell up about the ice cream man. No doubt his is probably cheaper.