ÒI canÕt rememberÓ must be the new national motto

 —Bumper sticker of the week: Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

 —Quotes of the week:  ÒInstant gratification is not fast enough.Ó  —Suzanne Vega

ÒThe use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun.Ó —Ralph Nader

 —Loud motorcycles are one of lifeÕs lesser joys: Sitting on my front porch, I hear some motorcycles that are really loud. Obnoxiously loud. This is much more of a nuisance than say, tall weeds, but I doubt there is an ordinance against it. Or it could be, there is an ordinance that is just not enforced. I suppose they are a comfort to the men and women that sit on them, the way the must surely vibrate, but if left up to me, I would crush them into neat little packages and send them to the landfill.

 —Speaking of lifeÕs lesser joys. Here are a few of mine:

¥ Loud motorcycles. (Bares repeating).

¥ Two mile long trains that toot more than I do after eating chili.

¥ Watching and/or listening to George W. Bush give a speech.

¥ Farting when you have diarrhea.

¥ American Idol.

¥ Super Wal-Marts.

¥ Cold french fries.

¥ Right-wing Christians.

¥ Warm beer.

 ¥ Signs.


—Block party on Monmouth Blvd. told not to have rap music or basketball: ThatÕs a good one. ThatÕs like telling white guys on the north side that they canÕt have beer and country music. It was apparently recommended that they have bingo. Makes me wonder what theyÕre teaching these guys at the police academy.

 —The academic world is for the most part boring: When I went to graduate school, the Dean of the college asked me why I had such a low undergraduate grade point. I said I wasnÕt much interested in what they taught. I spent more time protesting the war in Vietnam, campaigning for Bobby Kennedy, and taking over the PresidentÕs office at SIU. I told him that taught me a whole lot more about life than trying to figure out what a bureaucracy was good for, or whether Columbus actually discovered America. He really didnÕt care for anyone talking back. IÕm sure he would have loved to get rid of me, but I saw him out one night with a young coed. After that, our relationship kind of moved to a new level. Every time he criticized me for whatever, I just looked at him and smiled. He always seemed to understand. Blackmail is such a wonderful educational tool.

—Taste of Galesburg a pleasant surprise: My wife and I thoroughly enjoyed this yearÕs Taste of Galesburg. The music was great. Finally, a little diversity. I get tired of listening to Second Mortgage or Even Steven. And the food wasnÕt bad, either. I especially liked the crab cakes from Chez WillyÕs and turtle sundae from The Landmark. The brownie from QÕs wasnÕt bad either, although I favor their oatmeal-raisin cookies. QÕs should expand their menu for next year. They serve up some really good stuff.

 —IÕve never seen so many people in Washington not be able to recall details that you damn well know they remember. Must be something in the water. Or alcohol