­­Bumper sticker of the week: Will be President for food.

­­Quote of the week: ''According to a recent poll conducted by Jobs For The Future, a Boston-based employment research firm, 94 percent of Americans agree that ''people who work full-time should be able to earn enough to keep their families out of poverty.'' I grew up hearing over and over, to the point of tedium, that ''hard work'' was the secret to success: ''Work hard and you'll get ahead'' or ''It's hard work that got us where we are.'' No one ever said that you could work hard -- harder even than you ever thought possible -- and still find yourself sinking ever deeper into poverty and debt.'' --''Nickel and Dimed,'' Barbara Ehrenreich

­­Bingo! I hit the jackpot a couple weeks ago. The Flub-A-Dub for July rang the chimes of tens of Rush Limbaugh fans. The Flub found its way onto the Rush Limbaugh Network, where many a Limbaugh fan commented on my demented words. These people are sensitive little rascals. All in all I loved it. I didn't change my mind. Rush is still damaging to the world and WGIL is wrong to air him. Does this mean I don't believe Rush has the right to say what he wants? Of course not. Does WGIL have to air it? Of course not. Do you have to listen to it? Of course not. Do people have to put their ads on while it is being aired? Of course not. Take some responsibility. Turn the crap off. Read a good book instead. Your brain will be much further ahead.

­­Speaking of hitting the jackpot. My suggested boycotts also rang a few chimes. I got a nice call about Disney from a lady whose son works there. He loves it and has been able to advance up the corporate ladder. She indicated most employees are unionized, which is good. I hope things are as good as she believes in Fantasyland, but l'm sticking with my boycott. Disney is too big. I don't like big when it comes to corporations. And besides, I wasn't planning on going to Disney World anyway. The Salvation Army. They have done a lot of good. I commend them for that. But anyone who colludes with George W. behind closed doors in my eyes is shaky. Go to the mission, or FISH, or Goodwill, or Cottage Corner. Give the Army time to regroup.

­­Now that George Ryan is retiring from the governor's mansion, I'm thinking of running. Sure, right away you're thinking I don't have a chance. Too liberal, too outspoken, not enough name recognition. Well, you're wrong, cause I got a plan:

--First of all, I'm going to move the capital to Chicago. This should get me about 5 million votes.--

Second: I'm declaring everything south of I-80 a prison. We'll fence it and charge admission.--

Third: I promise to fix up the highways. This will be much easier since most of the state will be a prison, and prisoners can't drive.--

Fourth: The legislature will be dramatically reduced. There will be just me.--

Fifth: There will be jobs for everyone. We will need a lot of prison guards. Should you not entirely support this platform, I'll add just about anything you want, just don't mess with number 4.

­­Always remember: The easiest thing to do in life is nothing.

­­A statue of Carl Sandburg in the town circle. It does have a certain ring to it, although I think a statue of The Peever would be a little more contemporary. I know, you don't think I can write near as good as Sandburg. Get a load of this:

Twinkle, twinkle, little scar,

How I wonder what I ate.

A double cheese or 2 for 2,

Something caused my veins to ooze.

They cut me here, they cut me there,

They cut me almost everywhere.

Now all I know is what they say,

You shouldn't have ate all that junk food, you idiot.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online August 15, 2001

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