LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

– Bumper sticker of the week: I wasn’t using my civil liberties anyway.

– Quotes of the week: "As a tree torn from the soil, as a river separated from its source, the human soul wanes when detached from what is greater than itself. Without the holy, the good turns chaotic; without the good, beauty becomes accidental." Abraham Joshua Heschel.

"Everything sacred moves in a circle." Black Elk

– California is full of comedians, and it appears most of them want to be governor. Who will become the next Court Jester?

– Characteristics of a dying town:

• No one leads and everyone follows.

• Diversity is considered un-American.

• The trivial becomes important.

• The cowboys always seem to outnumber the Indians.

• For sale signs pop up faster than mushrooms.

• As the town fades away, the leaders hand out awards to one another for jobs well done.

– Help save Galesburg:

• We could sell our firstborn into slavery. This may help pay for the brick streets.

• The council could have bake sales in front of city hall every Saturday. Let’s see how fast they can raise all the money we lose on TIF districts and Enterprise Zones.

• We could tax drug dealers. We got plenty of them.

• How about a toll on all trains that pass through the city? Sort of an annoyance tax.

• For each percentage of population that we lose, that same percent is eliminated in the city administration? It’s called accountability.

• We could start a trucking school out at Hawthorne Center.

• There’s always prostitution and gambling.

– "You cannot solve a problem with the same kind of thinking that created it." Einstein

– You know just how bad off this country is when Ozzy Osbourne, a burnt out alcoholic and drug addict, becomes one of our stars. It’s a disgrace.

– Hell strikes me as a place where right-wing, Republican Christians gather to praise Bush.

– Let’s play, "Bush Takes Over The World:"

• First, we’ll need the deadliest military ever assembled on earth.

• Next, we’ll need some maniac to run it.

• Now, let’s attack countries without any armies.

• OK. Time for a vacation to think about who to attack next.

• No, it can’t be Vermont.

• A little more vacation time for some fund raising.

• Now, let’s attack Iran.

• This is more fun than executing people.

• Next, let’s play Four More Years.

– Little known terrorist groups:

• Ku Klutz Klan: These guys couldn’t burn a cross on a $100 bet.

• El Taco Bells: They fatten you up for the kill.

• The laChickenostra: They’ve rung many a neck.

• Cereal Killers: A bomb in every box.

• The BushWackers: A mean looking group from Texas. Last seen stealing an election.

• The Red Neck Mothers: Speaking of mean mothers. They get trigger happy just thinking about gay marriages.