­­ Bumper sticker of the week: Read my lips -- no new Texans

­­ The lamenting of someone recovering from open heart surgery:--

I got up this a.m. and took my pills. I now have to use a pill box so I can remember whether I did or I didn't. Oh brother.--

I went to the bathroom. The older you get, the more important this event becomes. A good bowel movement is now just about as thrilling as sex.--

I fed the dogs. We now have three. We have group therapy every morning. I usually get to talk the most.--

I fixed myself some oatmeal for breakfast. I make believe it's a donut. All policemen should do this.--

I flipped on the TV just in time to see the president of Ford Motor Co. groveling for our forgiveness and trust. I had previously seem the CEO of United Airlines doing the same. They weren't very convincing. They weren't on their knees.--

Time for a little reading. James Carville's ''Stickin'.'' This is a must read for all Republicans.--

Lunch time. I went out on the back porch and cut myself some prime cardboard. Not bad with a little fake butter on it.--

Time for a walk. Walking is good for you. On the other hand, so is moderate drinking. So I walked to the tavern.--

An afternoon nap. I'm starting to enjoy this. The doctor said I had to, otherwise I'd mow the lawn.--

Up just in time for the evening paper. Seems a madman in Alaska hacked four people to death. This helps cheer me up.--

Dinner time. I used to love dinner. Fried chicken, steak, french fries, and ice cream. At least three times a week. Tonight it's more cardboard, done medium rare and lightly salted. No-fat pudding is a real dessert treat.--

After dinner, a little computer work. Answer e-mails, look over the news for potential peeves, and a quick review of the stock market. A stock I bought at 9 is up to 61. Too bad I sold at 12. What the heck, it's only money.--

Time for meds and off to bed. The pharmacist and I are becoming good friends. I pay for his vacation, he sends me a postcard.--

Bedtime. It was another hard day on the road to recovery. I will share with you my journal entry for the day: Another hard day at work. Hardly time to eat. Busy signing autographs and investing money from my new book. Dinner this evening with my wife. Wine, steaks, and dancing. Went home and made passionate love for 2 hours. Finally tired. Will sleep 5 hours and run 4 miles at 4am. Life is good.

­­ W. George sliding rapidly downward in the polls. Seems he currently couldn't beat his father. He immediately resorts to negative campaigning. This is the usual Republican response to candidates they choose who can't stand on their own principles and ideas. He will find himself 15 points behind by mid-September. People are tired of candidates whose only contribution is to tell us how bad the other guy is. The American people are sick and tired of such nonsense. Republicans are going to take a terrible beating this election. They continue to focus their attention on what has been, which is no more.

­­ You heard it here first. Some early election results:--

President: Gore by 350,000-500,000 votes.--

U.S. House: Evans by 6-10%.--

Democrats will take a majority in the House.--

Illinois Supreme Court: Hawkinson by 6-8%.--

County Coroner: Watson by a good margin, but closer than usual. Of course usually no one runs against him.--

County States Attorney: Mangieri by a wide margin. (In the business, this is called a ringer). More predictions to come in the near future.

­­ I see the locals started arresting kids in Monmouth for the possession and use of cigarettes. The local treasury must be in need of some cash. This is the same outdated logic that the war on drugs uses. Arrest the addicted person, the makers and sellers continue to make huge profits. Arresting young smokers is doing a disservice to the kid, the community, and the family, who will end up paying the fine. Treatment and support is the only way to help people who are addicted. You cannot arrest the problem any other way.

­­ They say natural gas and heating oil prices are set to double this winter. Here is my answer to Illinois Power: Everyone should pay half of your bill. However, put the money away to eventually pay the other half. This is not a way to avoid paying, but is a way to cause them a world of grief. They cannot shut you off by paying half of your bill. When they send you a disconnect notice, pay the other half and start over. I just love thinking these kinds of things up.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online September 12, 2000

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