LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

Someone has to say it

— Bumper sticker of the week: Go ahead and honk. I can go slower.

— Quotes of the week: “Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” Rita Rudner

“Man stands in his own shadow and wonders why it’s dark.” Zen proverb

— Right wingers worried about Hillary’s neckline: Can you believe it? Some of our right-wing, Christian brothers and sisters are worried that Hillary is showing too much cleavage. Hell, Hillary could go topless and it wouldn’t attract much attention. These folks weren’t properly potty trained.

— Some politically correct talk from The Peever (sort of):

• Mr. Bush seems to be a bit peculiar.

• Right-wing Christians are very literal in their interpretation of mythology.

• O.J. Simpson should not be judged prior to his being found guilty of trying to steal some of his own worthless memorabilia.

• GREDA has once again persuaded the city council to give it more money to advertise an industrial park that they paid an exorbitant amount for and that neither Knoxville nor Galesburg can supply an adequate sewerage system to. The poop was really deep at the council meeting, and is likely to get a whole lot deeper before the first tenant arrives. Some people would call this an incredibly moronic waste of money. I would call it odd.

• Private contractors exploiting Iraq for personal gain appear to be shooting Iraqi citizens. This is not good. I’m sure they’re scared, but shooting people is a crime. They should be punished accordingly.

• Bush picks a new Attorney General. So far, he has chosen John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzales. Need a say more about his new pick?

• There seems to be a lot of big posteriors around lately. There’s a lot of junk in some of those trunks.

• Just about all the charges of soldiers torturing Iraqi and Afghan prisoners of war have been dropped. Apparently these were nothing more than horrible pictures taken by betraying reporters of perfectly legitimate questioning techniques.

• For a guy who’s not gay, Senator Craig sure seems to know a lot about picking up guys in the guys room. I wonder where he picked up that knowledge? Probably while reading some of the Senate bills in the restroom while trying to pick up guys.

— Someone has got to say it:

• We need a new government. The old one is washed up.

• It appears that some of the Knox County Democrats on the county board exchanged their votes for a Republican chairman for more committee appointments, leading to more per diems, leading to more money that they can make. I would remove their names from the Democratic list. If they want to play like Republicans, let them try. I doubt they’ll be very good at it.

• We have a new job czar who comes from the only city in Illinois doing worse than Galesburg. But I understand he’s a really nice guy with a really great family, so I’m withholding my judgement.

• There are more holes in the official 9/11 story than there are in the donuts at Swedoughs.

• The Supreme Court looks like a meeting of Opus Dei.

• Between Mother Nature and AmerenlP, Galesburg is about to become treeless.

• Sooner or later, the Galesburg City Council is going to make a decision that is favorable to the taxpayers. But I wouldn’t suggest holding your breath. The mayor thought the decision to spend $275,000 of our taxpayer dollars advertising a cornfield was a great triumph for Galesburg. I’m betting he’ll lose his job over it. As should four of the councilmen. I bet their arms are still hurting.

• A general is the last person you should ask about how a war is going, particularly a four-star general looking for a fifth star before retirement. If the worst thing he’s ever been called is “General Betray Us,” I’ll eat my new Tanner’s Orchard hat. Sensitive little rascal, who goes around ordering people killed. The MoveOn ad is nothing compared to an unjust war.