LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
Bumper sticker of the week: He wasnt elected Sept. 11 either.
Quotes of the week: "They misunderestimated me."
"I understand small business growth. I was one."
"More and more of our imports come from overseas."
"If we dont succeed, we run the risk of failure." Dubya
Regrets. Ive had a few:
I wish Id have become a brain surgeon. Id have specialized in Republicans.
I drank a lot in high school, so I dont remember much. I regret that.
A lot of my good friends live far away. I suppose Im more sorry about that than regretful.
I regret not working for the city, county, state. Id be retired by now and working as a greeter at Wal-Mart to make extra money for my medications.
I regret not having gone to Peoria to see Mother Teresa.
Seeing I wasnt smart enough to become a brain surgeon, I wish Id have founded Roto Rooter. I still could have specialized in Republicans.
Democracy was getting old anyway.
Maytag decides to leave town early: What a surprise! I think that Gallagher thing scared them.
In the scheme of things, there is only one thing worse than NAFTA: hemorrhoids.
How to know if your memory is getting bad:
You cant remember who you last were.
You keep forgetting where you hid the bottle.
You look in a mirror and wonder who changed the picture.
When you get up to go to the bathroom, you keep getting lost.
You wonder who those people are in your billfold.
You would gladly send birthday cards to your children, if you could only remember who they are.
Knoxville is going into the TIF business: Lucky taxpayers! They should be grateful. Look how well its worked for Galesburg?
Salesmen today are terrible: I get the feeling they strongly endorse failure. Absolutely no followthrough. I get the impression they think theyre doing us a favor by selling us their product. Wrong.
How about those Cubs?
How to negotiate the best price:
Dont fall in love with whatever it is youre buying. You probably dont need it anyway.
If the seller asks you for a price you are willing to pay, tell him youll give him a $1.98, unless, of course, its a dollar item.
Offer no better than half the asking price. Thats probably more than whatever its worth anyway.
Always look the seller directly in the eyes when youre making fun of his product.
Nothing has any value until someone pays a price for it. Make sure its not you paying too high a price.
Wal-Mart owners cited as 7th richest people in the world: Now the richest family in the world, the Waltons need to be put in their place. After putting mom and pop businesses out of business for years, its time we did the same to them. While they may have the lowest price in town, pay someone else the next lowest. The warm feeling this will give you will be well worth the price difference.