LEAVE IT TO PEEVER
Electro-shock justice
-Bumper sticker of the week: Some mistakes are too
much fun to only make once.
-Quotes of the week: ÒLife was so much easier when
your clothes didnÕt match and boys had cooties.Ó Unknown
ÒA man my be a fool and not know it, but not if he is
married.Ó H.L. Mencken
-Divine Intervention: God speaks to The Peever
* ÒHolly Crap! What are you guys doing
down there?Ó
* ÒHeart attacks are my revenge for eating
my animal friends.Ó
* ÒWith hurricanes, earthquakes, fires,
tornadoes, terrorists, bird flu, and Mr. Bush and his cronies running things,
are you sure you want to take my name out of the Pledge of Allegiance?Ó
* ÒI made man before woman to give him
time to make up an excuse.Ó
* ÒKeep your words soft and sweet. You
never know when youÕre going to have to eat them.Ó
* ÒPeever, your sole purpose in life is to
peeve people off.Ó
* ÒSure I get angry. I made you in my
image, didnÕt I?Ó
* ÒIf you walk by a person on the street
who is hungry, homeless, alone, needs assistance, guess what?Ó
* ÒThe Garden of Eden and NoahÕs Ark are
examples of mythological stories that have appeared in every culture since the
beginning. DonÕt be stupid.Ó
* ÒHereÕs the thing: Of all the creatures
in the universe, you guys had the most promise. Now, I only ask one thing-quit
procreating. Everything else will fall into place.Ó
-Galesburg City Council puckers up, again: If I had a
buck for every time this outfit puckers up, IÕd really be enjoying retirement.
The Galesburg City Council is one of the bigger disappointments IÕve
experienced in my thirty years in Galesburg. They have repeatedly made the same
mistakes, once again giving our tax dollars to an outfit that has had
absolutely no success. Their ÒField of DreamsÓ is just more of the same. GREDA
will use the money for salaries, trips to China, and pamphlets that generally
qualify as fiction. Economic development has been one of our weakest areas. We
elect new people on the council, and they immediately do the same old thing. Well, hereÕs the deal. A one
time offer: The mayor appoints a committee to explore new avenues of economic
development. The Peever will moderate the group. I pick ten people of my
choosing. We develop a plan in six months and hand it over to the mayor and
councilman. No cost. No strings
attached. No trips to China. Just an outside shot that someone other than the
good old boys can come up with some ideas to move Galesburg into at least the
20th century.
-Police taser student at Kerry event: Security police
at a John Kerry event taser a student who attempts to ask Mr. Kerry why he
rolled over so quickly in 2004 and didnÕt challenge the results of the
electoral college in Ohio. He could have also asked why Gore rolled over so
quickly in 2000, having lost in Florida to BushÕs brother. Both rolled over
faster than the Galesburg City Council agreeing to hand over our tax dollars to
GREDA. While it definitely appeared that he was somewhat rude, his questions
were legitimate and Kerry could be heard agreeing to answer them. The officers
should lose their jobs and maybe be tasered a couple times, just so they
understand how electro-shock justice works. Besides, they can probably get jobs
with Homeland Security or as private bodyguards for contractors ripping us off
in Iraq.
-The new millennium sucks: So far, IÕve had a heart
attack, a sternal infection, a hernia operation as a result of my heart
operation, my mother died, and to this point, Bush has been the only president.
So much for the Age of Aquarius.
-What exactly is the difference between the city
burning our tree debris or we burning our own debris? The answer is none, other than we could have done it
a whole lot cheaper.