LEAVE IT TO PEEVER

 

Electro-shock justice

 

-Bumper sticker of the week: Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

 

-Quotes of the week: “Life was so much easier when your clothes didn’t match and boys had cooties.”  Unknown

 

“A man my be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.”  H.L. Mencken

 

-Divine Intervention: God speaks to The Peever

     * “Holly Crap! What are you guys doing down there?”

     * “Heart attacks are my revenge for eating my animal friends.”

     * “With hurricanes, earthquakes, fires, tornadoes, terrorists, bird flu, and Mr. Bush and his cronies running things, are you sure you want to take my name out of the Pledge of Allegiance?”

     * “I made man before woman to give him time to make up an excuse.”

     * “Keep your words soft and sweet. You never know when you’re going to have to eat them.”

     * “Peever, your sole purpose in life is to peeve people off.”

     * “Sure I get angry. I made you in my image, didn’t I?”

     * “If you walk by a person on the street who is hungry, homeless, alone, needs assistance, guess what?”

     * “The Garden of Eden and Noah’s Ark are examples of mythological stories that have appeared in every culture since the beginning. Don’t be stupid.”

     * “Here’s the thing: Of all the creatures in the universe, you guys had the most promise. Now, I only ask one thing-quit procreating. Everything else will fall into place.”

 

-Galesburg City Council puckers up, again: If I had a buck for every time this outfit puckers up, I’d really be enjoying retirement. The Galesburg City Council is one of the bigger disappointments I’ve experienced in my thirty years in Galesburg. They have repeatedly made the same mistakes, once again giving our tax dollars to an outfit that has had absolutely no success. Their “Field of Dreams” is just more of the same. GREDA will use the money for salaries, trips to China, and pamphlets that generally qualify as fiction. Economic development has been one of our weakest areas. We elect new people on the council, and they immediately do the same old  thing. Well, here’s the deal. A one time offer: The mayor appoints a committee to explore new avenues of economic development. The Peever will moderate the group. I pick ten people of my choosing. We develop a plan in six months and hand it over to the mayor and councilman.  No cost. No strings attached. No trips to China. Just an outside shot that someone other than the good old boys can come up with some ideas to move Galesburg into at least the 20th century.

 

-Police taser student at Kerry event: Security police at a John Kerry event taser a student who attempts to ask Mr. Kerry why he rolled over so quickly in 2004 and didn’t challenge the results of the electoral college in Ohio. He could have also asked why Gore rolled over so quickly in 2000, having lost in Florida to Bush’s brother. Both rolled over faster than the Galesburg City Council agreeing to hand over our tax dollars to GREDA. While it definitely appeared that he was somewhat rude, his questions were legitimate and Kerry could be heard agreeing to answer them. The officers should lose their jobs and maybe be tasered a couple times, just so they understand how electro-shock justice works. Besides, they can probably get jobs with Homeland Security or as private bodyguards for contractors ripping us off in Iraq.

 

-The new millennium sucks: So far, I’ve had a heart attack, a sternal infection, a hernia operation as a result of my heart operation, my mother died, and to this point, Bush has been the only president. So much for the Age of Aquarius.

 

-What exactly is the difference between the city burning our tree debris or we burning our own  debris? The answer is none, other than we could have done it a whole lot cheaper.