A recipe for disaster


— Bumper sticker of the week: Impeach Ôem all. LetÕs start over

— Quote of the week: ÒI heard somebody say, ÔWhereÕs Mandela?Õ Well, MandelaÕs dead. Because Saddam killed all the Mandelas.Ó George W. Bush, Sept. 20, 2007. (Of course, Nelson Mandela is still very much alive).

— Answering the e-mail:

¥ Dear Peever: What exactly is the difference between us burning our own downed trees and branches, or the city burning them? Tony

  Dear Tony: None.

¥ Mr. Peever: WhatÕs your take on all the tasering going on? John

  Dear John: Remember, a police officer, in order to qualify, has to flunk a psychiatric exam. As I understand it, one of the questions is: Would you taser your own grandmother if she were caught jay-walking? Apparently the right answer is yes.

¥ Dear Bruce: IÕll bet you are supportive of IranÕs president being in the U.S., and giving speeches at Columbia University and the UN? Louie

  Dear Louie: I understand this to be a free country and a place that champions the cause of free speech? I of course could be mistaken. Ahmadinejad was elected President of Iran by popular vote, in 2005. The election was valid and free, unlike ours in 2000 and 2004. He is an outspoken critic of Bush and his administration, which we have in common. He has a Ph.D. in transportation engineering. He was Mayor of Tehran before being elected president. Under the Iranian constitution, he is not the highest ranking official. The Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is the supreme leader. Somewhat similar to Bush and Dick CheneyÕs arrangement. I do not support his development of nuclear weapons. But nor do I support the U.S. having them. So far, we are the only ones that have used them. He has that on us. In a debate, George wouldnÕt last past the opening statement. Amadinejad is a bit more intelligent, and a whole lot more articulate.

¥ Peever: Your penis is going to appear on Fox News. Harry

  Dear Harry: I hope it will still be attached? And you better have a big screen TV.

¥ Mr. Bruce: I agree with you concerning your views on Wal-Mart. What can we do to stop them? Karen

  Dear Karen: DonÕt shop there. Buy your things direct from China on the Internet. Skip the middle man.

¥ Mr. Peever: What do you think about the city giving GREDA more money to finance advertising their pet cornfield? Fred

  Dear Fred: I bet their arms still hurt from all the twisting. I donÕt see it working out, but I do hope they enjoy themselves in China. IÕve made them my own offer, but havenÕt heard anything yet. I think they are afraid we might come up with something. That would spoil all their fun.

    ¥ Mr. Weik: I suppose you support Hillary? Tom

      Dear Tom: It looks like she is going to be the Democratic nominee. If so, she will become the first female President in our history. It would serve Bill right. He would become the First Gentleman. Sweet revenge for Hillary. I canÕt help but hope she wins. That would really piss off all the right-wing Republicans. TheyÕd probably all pee their beds, which would make me giggle.

¥ Peever: What do you think about a 3-lane Seminary street? All three lanes lead to Wal-Mart. Sherry

  Dear Sherry: Trying to aggravate me, arenÕt you? It is a recipe for disaster. The traffic has doubled, and the center lane appears to be an express lane. The ambulances are going down it at about 50 miles per hour. People are passing one another in it. And bikes seem to think it was built for them. Some of us still have to back out of our driveways onto this expressway. Pray for us.