Onward Christian soldiers

— Bumper sticker of the week: Foley/

Craig 2008

— Quote of the week: ÒHow many legs

does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?

Four. Calling a tail a leg doesnÕt make it a

leg.Ó —Abraham Lincoln

— I figured out IÕm allergic to most

ministers, almost all attorneys, and a majority

of politicians. Whenever I hear or see one, I

have to take a pill. The whole thing is very

annoying. ItÕs like a tic attaching itself to your

scrotum. All they want to do is suck the life

out of you.

— I have a dream: IÕd like to start a bakery,

a restaurant, and a boarding house in

Hot Springs, Arkansas, to train the jobless,

feeding rich people in the day, poor people

at night, and housing the homeless. I figure

this plan is about as grandiose as President

BushÕs plan to save the Middle East.

— How do you find God? Where do

you look? What do you look for? They say

HeÕs everywhere. Is He in Iraq, watching

hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians

being killed? In the prison at Abu Ghraib,

or Guantanamo Bay, watching American

soldiers abuse and torture prisoners of

war? He must have been in New Orleans,

so how in the hell did all that happen? IsnÕt

He supposed to be almighty? All-powerful?

All knowing? What is He, part-time? This

ainÕt logical or figurable. I gave up trying

years ago. You either believe or you donÕt.

You got to decide. No one can make that

decision for you.

— It is an absurd idea to believe all

education should be performance based.

— Congratulations to the Syracuse

Cultural Workers for 25 years of revolutionary

art. Thank you. (TheyÕve helped with a lot of

bumper stickers and quotes.)

— I get a kick out of Clarence Thomas.

He ainÕt got a clue why heÕs so disliked.

Believe me, it ainÕt cause heÕs black. HereÕs

a minority person who is an ultra rightwinger.

ThatÕs an oxymoron. Anyone in that

position is someone whose motives need

to be questioned. I campaigned against

him when he was nominated, and IÕd do

so again. That he chases women and/or

pinches them on the butt is the least of my

problems with him.

— HereÕs a good e-mail I got: ÒThereÕs a

fine line between genius and insanity, and

youÕve erased the line.Ó IÕm not sure whether

thatÕs good or bad.

— Which leads me to a good question:

Where is the money going to from the corn

that is being grown in the Logistics Park? I

hope I canÕt guess.

— Bush should quit: 67 percent of the

American public thinks he stinks. He would

be forced to resign in any other country. A

Òno confidenceÓ vote would be taken. (ThatÕs

actually what happened to his good buddy

Tony Blair.) He should be gone. Him and

Tony should be raising miniature horses in


— The Christian Right want to start a third

party. I got some suggestions:

¥ How about, ÒChristian Soldiers for Christ.Ó

You donÕt believe in Jesus, Bang!

¥ I like ÒDobsonÕs Dummies.Ó That would

be James Dobson, head of Focus on the

Family, an ultra right-wing organization out

of Colorado Springs.

¥ They could go with ÒHillary Haters.Ó These

guys seriously dislike Hillary. TheyÕll come

out in force in an attempt to beat her. They

hate women who can think for themselves

and are smart and articulate. Those types

of women donÕt fit into their King James

version of the Bible.

¥ The ÒAnti-Choice PartyÓ would be a good


¥ How about, ÒRight-wing Do-gooders

Who Think They Own The Republican

PartyÓ? These guys preach family values

while theyÕre screwing the secretary.

¥ Their pro-gun, pro-capital punishment,

pro-corporate welfare, anti-choice, antigay,


government, anti-diversity, single

religion, donÕt invest in stem-cell research

agenda is quite appealing to candidates

who canÕt think for themselves. They seem

to think that none of the candidates to date

in the Republican Party qualify, but I got

Thompson, McCain, Romney, Hunter, and

Tancredo in the running.