Onward Christian soldiers

— Bumper sticker of the week: Foley/

Craig 2008

— Quote of the week: “How many legs

does a dog have if you call the tail a leg?

Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a

leg.” —Abraham Lincoln

— I figured out I’m allergic to most

ministers, almost all attorneys, and a majority

of politicians. Whenever I hear or see one, I

have to take a pill. The whole thing is very

annoying. It’s like a tic attaching itself to your

scrotum. All they want to do is suck the life

out of you.

— I have a dream: I’d like to start a bakery,

a restaurant, and a boarding house in

Hot Springs, Arkansas, to train the jobless,

feeding rich people in the day, poor people

at night, and housing the homeless. I figure

this plan is about as grandiose as President

Bush’s plan to save the Middle East.

— How do you find God? Where do

you look? What do you look for? They say

He’s everywhere. Is He in Iraq, watching

hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians

being killed? In the prison at Abu Ghraib,

or Guantanamo Bay, watching American

soldiers abuse and torture prisoners of

war? He must have been in New Orleans,

so how in the hell did all that happen? Isn’t

He supposed to be almighty? All-powerful?

All knowing? What is He, part-time? This

ain’t logical or figurable. I gave up trying

years ago. You either believe or you don’t.

You got to decide. No one can make that

decision for you.

— It is an absurd idea to believe all

education should be performance based.

— Congratulations to the Syracuse

Cultural Workers for 25 years of revolutionary

art. Thank you. (They’ve helped with a lot of

bumper stickers and quotes.)

— I get a kick out of Clarence Thomas.

He ain’t got a clue why he’s so disliked.

Believe me, it ain’t cause he’s black. Here’s

a minority person who is an ultra rightwinger.

That’s an oxymoron. Anyone in that

position is someone whose motives need

to be questioned. I campaigned against

him when he was nominated, and I’d do

so again. That he chases women and/or

pinches them on the butt is the least of my

problems with him.

— Here’s a good e-mail I got: “There’s a

fine line between genius and insanity, and

you’ve erased the line.” I’m not sure whether

that’s good or bad.

— Which leads me to a good question:

Where is the money going to from the corn

that is being grown in the Logistics Park? I

hope I can’t guess.

— Bush should quit: 67 percent of the

American public thinks he stinks. He would

be forced to resign in any other country. A

“no confidence” vote would be taken. (That’s

actually what happened to his good buddy

Tony Blair.) He should be gone. Him and

Tony should be raising miniature horses in

Crawford.

— The Christian Right want to start a third

party. I got some suggestions:

• How about, “Christian Soldiers for Christ.”

You don’t believe in Jesus, Bang!

• I like “Dobson’s Dummies.” That would

be James Dobson, head of Focus on the

Family, an ultra right-wing organization out

of Colorado Springs.

• They could go with “Hillary Haters.” These

guys seriously dislike Hillary. They’ll come

out in force in an attempt to beat her. They

hate women who can think for themselves

and are smart and articulate. Those types

of women don’t fit into their King James

version of the Bible.

• The “Anti-Choice Party” would be a good

choice.

• How about, “Right-wing Do-gooders

Who Think They Own The Republican

Party”? These guys preach family values

while they’re screwing the secretary.

• Their pro-gun, pro-capital punishment,

pro-corporate welfare, anti-choice, antigay,

anti-

government, anti-diversity, single

religion, don’t invest in stem-cell research

agenda is quite appealing to candidates

who can’t think for themselves. They seem

to think that none of the candidates to date

in the Republican Party qualify, but I got

Thompson, McCain, Romney, Hunter, and

Tancredo in the running.

10/18/07