­­ Bumper sticker of the week: I hate coffee -- It keeps me awake at work.

­­ Quote of the week: ''The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass from your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.''-- P.S. O'Rourke

­­ I see our own Louie Anderson continues to be on Bill Clinton's case. ''As I have stated before, I am against abortion but the existence of Bill Clinton is a strong argument in its favor.'' This must be an example of one of those compassionate conservatives. They give the word compassion a bad name. These people need to get a life. Maybe a hobby. How about riding along with the ambulance to help pick up people who have been killed by their constitutionally guaranteed guns? Maybe scrape the eyeballs off the wall after someone's been electrocuted, one of their favorite pastimes? How about volunteering to take care of all the medical expenses, adopting and raising all the children of all the women they attempt to keep out of legal abortion clinics? I got it! They could translate the Bible, using their own misguided theology, from English to Spanish, which will soon become this country's most spoken language. These are things that would help Louie and the rest of these folks get in touch with reality, something I realize scares them.

­­ One of America's premier companies, Monsanto, is under attack around the world, although you don't hear much about it here at home. An article appeared recently in the Register-Mail which was less than thorough and more than fair to Monsanto, who describes the growing turmoil over genetically modified seeds as a terrible misunderstanding. Here's a list of some of Monsanto's prize winning products, old and new: Agent Orange, Terminator (sterile) seeds, Saccharin, GMOs genetic modified organisms, bovine growth hormone, PCBs, Roundue, Ortho, Bullet, Machete, Ram Rod, Pentagon, Avenge (herbicides, pesticides, chemicals) and Simplesse (a fat substitute). Monsanto recently tried to stop the publication of ''The Ecologist: The Monsanto Files'' and ''Against the Grain'' but were not successful. Monsanto's stock price has plunged from 60 to 30. Many European countries are not allowing genetically modified seeds to enter their country. Canada along with Asian and Latin American countries are joining in on the boycott. Informational labeling is being demanded. The profit motive once again outweighs environmental and health concerns. It's about time you started educating yourself about genetically modified seeds. Go over to the Monsanto amusement park in Warren County and ask them about the following: a soybean that was modified by using a Brazil nut that triggered allergic reactions in nut-sensitive consumers, or pollen from some strains of corn with built-in pesticides that were killing the larva of the monarch butterfly. I'm sure those things are just terrible misunderstandings.

­­ The health care system in America is continuing to decline. It was recently reported that 44 million Americans, or one in six, are without health insurance. Health care costs continue to increase at twice the rate of inflation. You can't help but wonder where all that money goes. (I'm pretending you don't know.) Holding down a job these days doesn't mean much in the way of guaranteeing that you will receive health insurance. Many businesses hate to see it interfere with their profits and the employee can't afford the huge premiums working for minimum wage. They call these people the working poor. I call it America's number one crime. Drug dealers at least tell you they're in it for the money. These people lie.

­­ I wondered how State Farm was getting so big. Now I know. They've been cheating us. It seems they've been fixing our wrecked cars with imitation parts. Well, I suppose you really can't blame them. Who would ever notice? And besides, body shops and insurance companies have been taking one another for years. It seems they finally cut us in on the deal. State Farm will surely appeal the now over one billion dollar settlement. They'll find some judge somewhere who is sweet on corporate America and who wouldn't mind some free imitation parts for his BMW.

­­ I was looking over the list of the Board of Directors for Galesburg 2000. As I suspected, many of the same names also appear on the EDC board list. And most are Chamber of Commerce members. A huge percentage are male and white, and many are getting breaks from the City through TIFs, enterprise zones, low interest loans and various other business welfare schemes. The list reads like a Who's Who in white-collar giveaways. I suppose this is how it works everywhere: The thigh bone's connected to the arm bone; the arm bone's connected to the hand bone and the hand bone's connected to the taxpayer's pocket.

Uploaded to The Zephyr Online October 20, 1999

Back to The Zephyr