– Bumper sticker of the week: Bush/Cheney: Four More Wars

– Quote of the week: " ‘Everything I’ve put you through,’ don Juan told Castaneda, ‘each of the things I’ve shown you was only a device to convince you that there’s more to us than meets the eye...’ Learning involves a change in behavior...It’s not enough to accumulate new thoughts; you must be able to act, to do..." Ken Eagle Feather

– In our frantic search for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, I have never heard the question asked: Why is it we’re allowed to have these weapons, Israel is allowed to have these weapons, England is allowed to have these weapons, but they’re not?

– Galesburg needs an enema. Once the crap starts clearing, we may be able to get on with things.

– I’ve been wrong about a few things in the eight years I’ve written this column:

• Recently, I would never have guessed a female—groping Arnold Schwarzenegger could have

been elected Governor of California. I thought Gallagher had it. I suppose this means he’s not coming back to Galesburg?

• I could never, in my wildest imagination, have ever guessed we would elect another Bush president. I wasn’t totally wrong on this one.

• Who would have guessed Simon and Garfunkel would ever get back together?

• I thought for sure no one would ever build a five—million—dollar addition onto a business that

is losing money. Wrong again.

• I always thought Rush Limbaugh was born dumb. Ends up he had an excuse.

• I thought our real estate taxes would go down since no one wants to live here. Like all of us staying should get a reward. Wrong!

– Seven ways to get into heaven:

• Go the back way.

• Don’t mention you know The Peever.

• I would recommend knowing a little something about all the great religions, just in case.

• If you’ve had some legal problems, or for that matter, any problems, blame your parents.

• Stop smoking, drinking, cussing, gambling, and supporting same—sex marriages.

• I wouldn’t mention it if I were rich and Republican.

• I saw Jesus at Pensacola Beach, Florida. I wouldn’t joke about that. I’m thinking of buying a condo there. Expensive, but heavenly.

– If you think you know how others should live or think, and you’re trying to control everything and everyone, give it up: A lot of craziness has to do with thinking you have to be in charge, or your way is the only way. There are too many variables, too many unexplained events, too many options, too many people. Perhaps what is going on is exactly what needs to go on in order for you to learn what it is you need to learn to get you to where it is you need to go.

– Chasing Cheney: We "elected" a Bush and got a Dick. Another devious Republican trick.

– New restaurant: Weik’s Wing Dinger Diner. Chicken wings any way you like them. I’m only asking the city for a $100,000 loan. They should consider that a bargain. This is no fly—by—night outfit, although I am winging it a bit.

– Don’t for a second buy into the idea of electronic, touch—screen voting. No paper trail! At least with a paper trail, you know when you been cheated.